Juz Talking

I'm gonna be marrying a Taleban.

2008-02-01T13:13:00.000+08:00

Was just having a casual routine crazy car-conversation with my dad yesterday.

Somehow, out of the blue he said that he pities my future bf/husband.

Obviously, innocently I was like, 'why Dad, why? Hmm?' *blink blink*

He said I'm such a torturous and terrible gf that the one who's gonna be my bf has gotta be prepared for battle..gotta be strong, able to withstand high levels of destruction (emotional and mental) and pain. Preferably having gone through a commando course..who's gone through serious training..not afraid to DIE cos dating me would mean DEATH.. Then he went on to say that he'll audition the unfortunate applicants before they date me, to 'stamp and approve' of their ability before they embark on their journey with me.

Of course, all this was said with FULL of love and affection in the car.....
...and with me screaming and laughing my head off in the passenger seat, eyes squashed closed and all.

"I must make sure he's the General of the army," my dad proudly continued, "maybe he can run very fast too - oh i know! He'll be from Africa!" Then we agreed he'll be from Jamaica, saying that he'll be running ahead of me on the ECP, dun need to take my car..also, I'll be taking his money for shoes - MY shoes, that is..

Then, it suddenly dawned on him.. "Aha!!" ..with a jumping 'eureka' effect in his voice. "I know who already. He'll definitely be ready for war, has withstood torture and pain in training.."

With compounded anticipation I was like, "huh? WHO?"

"The TALEBAN!"

My car door almost broke as I slapped it generously in aggravated amusement.

since it didn't rain..

2008-02-01T12:36:00.000+08:00

Hi. I just want to account an illustration of how God displays his sense of humour.

Since it didn't rain for the past two days, i decided to wash my darling car lah. SO, i soaped so carefully not to scratch any inch of the beauty, washed off TWICE with the hose (plus using my hand to tenderly feel if there's any grains left on it) and proceeded to the drying.

Now, when i dry-off, i have a pail of water to rinse the cloth after about 1-2 wipes (so that the dirt from the wipe won't go and scratch the surface..yes i'm that anal). Skipping with glee in the blazing sun was I encircling my set of wheels to check - with utmost scrutiny - for any more wet spots (since my ipod was backing me with adrenaline-pumping numbers, which totally kept me going).

I circled my car THREE times.

When I was FINALLY satisfied and approved of what was done, i brought my stuff into my garage and packed. Now this is the part where you hold your breath.

JUST as i turned around to recapture a glimpse of my shining glory.........it starting drizzling.

No wait, it POURED...seconds after my first scream.

like...@#*&$^%*&@*$*&@!&% ????!!!?!?!

It was almost as if God was watching me with a cheeky grin, WAITING for me to FINISH everything sui sui, with a finger hovering a button called 'RAIN'. And when i'm not looking, PRESS.

OK, mind you, this is not the first time this has happened actually. It seems that I've a reputation of bringing rain whenever i wash my car. My maid actually STOPPED me for washing the car yet - cos she hasn't hung up the laundry.

There're many times when I didn't bother to wash cos i knew it'ld rain again.

But as my dad puts it, "Then don't ever wash your car! Cos, it'll rain another day, sooner or later!" For a moment, it sounded relieving, then it was frustrating.

I was at PLUCK (33 Haji Lane) the other day and i notice a quote on the mirror: "I detest narcissism, but I approve of vainity" (sorry forgot who the author was). It's vainity man, pure vainity. BECAUSE I want my car all shining a pretty so I wash it anyway. I always backed my actions with the excuse that I have to wash off the grains/dirt from the car, if not it'll stick on the paint and it'll be hard to remove at the next wash. How true? i dunno.

secret!

2007-10-29T12:50:00.000+08:00

I've got a new crush! hee hee! ... not telling!...

i'm still here..

2007-10-15T00:19:00.000+08:00

hi peeps-who-check-this-blog-once-in-a-while-after-Facebook (hee..).. Yeap i'm still here and very much alive. I kinda lost the will to blog the past year cos of what i've been going through but i guess i'm alright now!

Guess what, I've got a new car of my own! (yes Clare! come back and i'll drive you all around in it!) It's a black, Honda City..shiok..i love the wheels, upholstry and the fact that I can put whatever I want in it PERMANENTLY.. woo hoo!!

How's life been for me? Oh well I can very simply say that this year has passed SUPER fast for me.. Maybe it's cos I've been counting how many months i've been surviving single-hood... not that it's a bad thing.. but by counting the months, I realised I'm missing each day that I watch go pass. Now it's October already..reaching my b'day! which also means that Christmas is coming soon! It's been a full year since I started working full-time and it's been 6 mths since my break-up.

Sigh, yes, see? I still think about it. I'm actually over it and have actually moved on - in the sense that I don't have major meltdowns anymore or not at least that often.. And I'm looking forward to the next guy whom I'll probably meet - sooner or later. But I also can't say that i've totally really moved on cos I still think of him. Is that having moved on? Is that possibly love? gosh, that's such a big word, I don't even know if I qualify for it. I have really no idea..

I've nothing much to say, like i said, i've lost the will/inspiration to blog.. but aiyah, i'm actually surviving really well.. in fact, I'm not 'surviving', i'm LIVING. By God's grace I've been through the toughest part and I am - yes, I AM - coming out stronger in more ways than one (oops, except the physical part).

Emotionally, I've learnt not to hold on to something too tightly; mentally I've learned to see things in different perspectives and accept them; and most of all, spiritually, I've learnt a lot more about God. He - God - is really an awesome God. You know, during those dreadful nights when I prayed, I didn't ask for him back, neither did I pray for a new bf. Instead, I just asked for myself to get out of this misery - and out FAST.

Did i get it? NOPE. not at all. Not until SIX-FULL MONTHS down the road did I realise why God didn't just take me out of this sickly, heart-sunken, lonely and frustrating lifestyle. He taught me a lot of things during this time, that which, I would not exchange it for anything else in life. For the first time, I learnt patience, obedience, and having faith in the unseen. It's because of what I went through could I indisputably SEE God's hand in my life. People have told me that God does things in ways we'll never expect - that was so true. I prayed for a good friend - someone whom I can call buddy, someone whom I can basically call in the middle of the night to talk to, someone i never had before in my entire life. God didn't give me a 'best friend', instead, He PROVIDED many friends by my side, each and their appropriate time to be there for me when i really needed it.. each in their God-perfect, appointed time in my life.

Prayers - with a sincere heart and the right intentions - can really make things happen. I asked for comfort and company, God provided my retired Dad to be there every morning, even when I woke up with tears in my eyes after a horrible dream, not wanting to go all the way to Simei for another hot day at work, only to find out that good ole daddy would follow me all the way there and be with me. I prayed for things to do to occupy my lonely nights, God made me free for new salsa classes - in which I'm making new friends and at the same time, fulfilling my all-time dream of learning dancing. I wanted a car of my own. *POOF!*. It was as if almost that instant.

God Himself is truely so amazing. I'm full of praise for Him. Through my life, He has truely turned my sorrows into praise, my mourning into dancing (heh, almost literally). He could give me more than what I asked for, if not, exact. What more would He give, when I finally ask for THE man soon?

6 movies under my belt. What's next?

2007-09-04T00:40:00.001+08:00

I'm not sure what kind of therapy I'm going through or I'm just in the movie mood. Of late i've clocked up the most number of movies watched in two weeks, in my life. the first was High School Musical 2, then Bourne, then came 881, then Hairspray, then Rush Hour 3 and just yesterday, No Reservations. Next, I want Ratatouille.

I used to miss watching movies with my special one - always 'saving' the good ones for us... Now, it's just watch it whenever I've got the chance! It's quite liberating, yet, felt quite empty..like I'm watching for the sake of it. What's wrong?

Ahhh I try not to think about it. I love the music from HSM2 and Hairspray - even bought the CD for the latter show, it pumps me up in the morning on my way to work - and it makes me forget everything. I can't wait for my first dance class where I believe it could be a channel where I could just forget everything, let it go and MOVE on..literally.

Life - what do we really want from it? Earn money, then what? isn't so that we could use it to enjoy life? yup i kinda concluded that quite fast. but isn't that the gist of it? do i really need my honour's degree? do i really need to go to get my masters too? then what? be a doctor? then what, earn more money? work more? then what? get a bf, get married, have kids, plan they studies, work longer, retire.. then what? live grand age, give more hong paos and sit at home wondering if we could help to wipe the flower pots with the cloth..

Ever thought or wished that you could just fast forward life to the very end, where we finally go to paradise? Of course not, therein calls for the desire to not regret and spend every min of life and learn from experiences so that it would be a meaningful, fruitful and glorifying one. before I turn myself to blesphemy, sometimes I really don't want to think so hard anymore. everyone's right - I think too much. I shouldn't think. what's to think? do i need to make sense?

heh maybe it's cos i'm too free. writing this at 1am in view of an 830 class over at simei. painted my nails french again..though i'ld feel happier seeing a pretty sight, but i was wronged. what's happening, is it the hormones? is it my phase in life? am i thinking too much again? or maybe it could just be because it's 1am...

Breaking Free

2007-08-11T23:17:00.000+08:00

OOOhhh how life has changed.. Work has been relocated to some place far away now (all the way to Simei), the Love Above All musical is all over with all the blues long gone (even before the reunion!), and life...simply goes on as usual.

Yes, life goes on, Michelle.

It's a lot different now.. I've been trying to fill up the spaces in my life by jio-ing friends for lunches, dinners and stuff..

It's so different now that what used to be a hand to hold, is now a hand in one pocket, and the other holding my purse.

It's so different now that what used to be late suppers/coffee, is now solitude with my com here in the comfort of my room.

It's quite different now that what used to be frequent sms updates of my own whearabouts, is now just all kept to myself.

It's kinda weird now that my Saturday nights and Sunday afternoons are so ... free.

I've just bought the DVD on the pop hit High School Musical's Concert and believe it or not, I've been addicted to the songs and their moves! HAha.. I really love almost all the songs.. really catchy and most of all, it makes me happy.. =) The more I listened to it, I got to the stage where I paid attention to the lyrics. Although most of it is all in the name of rhyme and beat, was just thinking about how i could make use of it. A couple of my favorite songs (erm, actually..almost all are my favorites..haha! i'm such a kid!) is 'Breaking Free' and 'What I've Been Looking For'.. especially the latter song where it says:

'thought i was alone with no one to hold
But you were always there beside me'

I thought about it again..and i realised that I'm really not alone.. He has always been beside me and He will always be. This brings to mind the Footprints story, where in times of darkness, the single pair of footprints was not mine going alone, but His, carrying me on His shoulders.

Wow.. I felt so lifted (pun intended)after that.. heh.

I guess, I no matter how hard I try, or NOT try, I can - and will - move on in life. Thanks for everyone who has been there for me during these hard times..I needed you guys and you could be there for me. It's cos of friends like you guys, that gives me another reason to praise God.

hope

2007-07-05T00:58:00.001+08:00

Is hope a dangerous thing?

life is great.

2007-06-28T23:44:00.000+08:00

Wow. This is the first picture i've put up in a super long time. that's my bro and i.. love him haha.. two vain/hiao siblings taking pictures in the middle of the night in the spur of the moment. Also cos I've not felt this good for a long time, and just wanted that kodak moment..

Anyway, just had quite a great dinner tonight with Daph (thanks dear!) talking about our school, ex's, life and stuff.. it's quite refreshing and therapeutic to look back and be subtly thankful for where we are right now. I feel really blessed for what has happened to me all this while. Sure I was really angry for the past and mistakes I did (that I sometimes don't really regret that i did them)... But now, i've finally reached the stage where I can see His hand in my life - thank God..

Something worth thinking.

2007-06-12T00:13:00.000+08:00

Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the LORD.
He will be like a bush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it ocmes. He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives.

But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."
Jer 17:5-8

My loving Dad shared this with me the other night when I was down and heavily burdened with my future. I'm not exactly in a state of depression, cos I believe when the Lord is in the picture, things will be alright. Childlike belief - although naiive, innocent and trusting - is what I should have.

Things will truely be alright when we put our whole trust in God. I don't know why that when my life motto is outlined by Prov 3:5 - "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean NOT on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight" (own emphasis added) - and yet, I can't, or rather, DON'T let go of things for the Lord to do his work. I'm a control freak, just like Monica in Friends.

I just came back from my annual church camp over the weekend and with me, I brought pretty good lessons. I won't drag you readers down with the whole sermon, will just point out some stuff relevant to my life now...which is everything haha..
The first day was about getting our feet 'wet' like how Joshua had to step into the waters of Jordon River to know God's work in his (your) life.
The second day was taking our 'Jericho' where we gotta face our life's challenges by trusting God's commands.
The third day was dealing with the sin in our lives, personally, the sin of pride.

Oh well, that pretty much sums up what i took back with me. Basically, I learnt that when we're really in deep s****, it's not that we've no where else to turn, but to God, but if I just thought - if I just turned to God and surrendering to Him the FULL control (really, letting go), things would be different. Trust is such a easy, yet important thing in a person's life. I mean, we trust almost everytime. I trust that my laptop doesn't crash on me right now as i type such a lengthy blog, I'm trusting my house not to fall on me tonight as my family and I take comfort under its roof. But when it comes to things like life matters, it's just so difficult to let go of things and try to do things the way I want it to be - gosh, it's so cliche to say that - I'm so hopeless sometimes. I'm trusting God to handle my life right now and I'm really trying to let go now...I can't do anything right now anyway, nothing's within my control now.

I'm not sure how to end this blog, but who cares, no one's really reading this right..and I don't even think I'll be reading this again. heh.

sick sick sick..

2007-05-14T22:21:00.000+08:00

wha i've never been so sick before.. to the point that WHENEVER I walk i feel like fainting! but never faint lah.. haha darn i've always wanted to know how it's like to faint - can you really fall without feeling pain? hah.. k but i've seen the doc and he's given 2 days MC lah..

Sigh..sucks being sick..

2007-04-28T13:15:00.000+08:00

I was just having my lunch today at clementi Kopitiam when I saw a couple saying grace together a few tables in front of me. In the the middle of a super crowded coffee shop, they looked like they were in some bubble of tranquility. Both eyes were closed, holding hands under the table with their food in front of them - unafraid of any attack from the birds stalking nearby, and the guy was saying the prayer. When they finished, they guy quickly kissed the girl on the cheek, surprising her before she opened her eyes.

Aww... how chweet.

2007-04-24T12:01:00.000+08:00

One little sin, what harm can it do?
Give it free reign and soon there are two
Then sinful deeds and habits ensue -
Guard well your thoughts, lest they control you.
--- Our Daily Bread, 24 April.

A little sleep, a little slumber,
a little folding of the hands to rest -
and poverty will come on you like a bandit
and scarcity like an armed man.

Where did you think the second poem came from. None other than the Good Book itself! Proverbs 24:33-34. Sounds like it just came from any other 'self-help' book huh.. Anyway, was just pondering over these poems and saw myself in that position. I'm now just WAITING for my uni application. Also just WAITING for my scholarship application. I'm literally 'folding my hands' everyday (and even at work too!) and I'm kinda almost just WAITING for things to happen. sigh.

I'm actually quite ok about my future..somehow I feel as if it's been taken care of already. Don't really need to worry about what post-grad I'll be doing, which uni I'll be at..and more, WHERE'S the money gonna come from. I believe it's Him who makes me feel this secure. But the thing is, it doesn't look exactly right. It's like, in the eyes of the world, people always advise to DO SOMETHING about your life. There's always 'something' that you can or should be doing now to move on.. it's like, you can't 'sit on your fat a** and expect something to drop on your lap' kind of thing. The problem is, that's exactly how I'm feeling now!

Sigh. But if i wanna think about it, I can be worried about all those things. Especially MONEY. A Master's degree is no joke. Inclusive of everything that you could possibly think of, it could easily amount to $140,000! I know money shouldn't be a problem, can always get a loan from a bank or something, but still, I have to pay it all back, and it's gonna be that huge sum.

My dad just passed me this book called 'Rich Dad, Poor Dad'. It's a book on how not to have to work for money, but how to have money work for us! haha.. Aiyah, at the end of the day, it's what brings food to the table isn't it? Then whether you enjoy it or think that what you do to get it there is worth it is another thing.

Sigh. pray for me, guys.

the power of Nestle Milky Bar.

2007-04-17T22:40:00.000+08:00

me: So, did you practice your piano for today?

Claryn(6 yrs old): *proudly* No!

*I dangle Nestle Milky Bar in her face*..

me: you sure you don't want this? Cos if you don't play this next song well for me, your two other sisters and I will eat it in front of you..

*Claryn gets uncomfortable. Starts to play the song with her very best try.*

me: Wow! Very good! For that, you can have a Milky Bar!

Claryn: I dowan already. *smiles*

long

2007-04-15T21:50:00.001+08:00

i've forgotten how warm your hand feels..

new life, new days ahead..

2007-04-08T23:38:00.000+08:00

hey peeps..

It was Easter over the weekend and we just had the Easter choir performance. It was a huge success. Truely want to praise God for the unexpected packed sanctuary on Maundy Thursday's service and an encouraging array of familiar faces again on saturday for the second performance. Truely praise God for the marked improvement on Saturday's singing and solos and in-between. Truely thank God for the fantastic message given by our very own founding Pastor - Pastor David Wong.

Unfortunately, the friends whom I invited couldn't grab this chance to experience the wonder that night. But it's alright! There's gonna be a few more performances down the road throughout the year, one of the highlights is the re-staging of our 2003's musical on Jim Elliot - 'Love Above All' at UCC, NUS in the middle of this year! Yu Khing, you'll definitely be invited for that too, don't you worry! Thanks for the encourgement for my performance over the weekend!

I must say I'm quite exhausted with the whole ra-ra of the Easter choir performance and all.. Now that the new week is starting I can go back to my quiet - and personal - time with my Master. I guess I probably need to retreat somewhere.. hmm.. maybe at Chinese Garden tmr morning before my piano lesson. That place is truely inspiring. That calmness that time in the morning. That serenity. That peace.

The weekend was quite exhausting too, with some changes in my life. Now I might sound a bit here and there with no links in-between and you might be thinking what in the world i'm talking about. But...who cares? heh. It's my blog...you need not understand everything..maybe if you're one of my close friends you might read... and just pray for me..

Aunty LL adviced me to "delight [myself] in the LORD, and He will give [me] the desires of my heart" (Ps 37:4).
"You need to find your way in the LORD first, be happy in the LORD first. Then, you'll be able to take on whatever comes to your path later on." Thank you Aunty LL for giving me that timely reminder. I think that's what I've been missing out in. All along I've been searching for acceptance and refuge in man, but all this while I've been missing out the main Man, Himself. I'm now trying to do that everyday, seeking Him. But I need some earthly help to pull through this. Let's meet for lunch again this week, shall we?

gonna need to sleep for now.. nights peeps!

Can God die?

2007-04-06T22:38:00.000+08:00

"little girl: Can He, really?

voice: Yes, He can.

little girl: But if He's GOD, how could He? You say He's the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. He is infinite. How then, could that happen? Unless...

voice: Humans are finite. Indeed, therefore, humans can die. God was in human form, the Man we know as Jesus. And so yes, He died.

little girl: WHY then, did He do it?"

The story goes on as everyone might have known that Jesus died to save the souls - only of THOSE who believed in Jesus Christ Himself - from eternal condemnation, i.e. Hell. Why? Because He loved us.

The conversation above was just a little of what my Pastor spoke of on Maundy Thursday's service. He then went on and related of the movie 'Saving Private Ryan'. To put the long story short, it was about a team of soldiers risking their lives to save one little guy. The crux of the story was when Tom Hanks, the leader of the team, was fatally wounded. He called Private Ryan to his side and said two words: Earn this.

The movie was almost perfect if not for those two words.

Pastor then went on and explained the contrast with the greatest love story of all time - Jesus' death on the cross. He died for US. We didn't deserve it. He didn't have to do it, but He chose to do it.

He CHOSE to do it.

We didn't have to earn this sacrifice. If God didn't do it, how in the world would we be saved?
Just imagine that.

"He could have summoned all of Heaven's armies to His side, and yet." For "the wages of sin is death," and SOMEONE had to die. Jesus - GOD - took that place. For us.

"Greater love has no-one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13

As I heard this simple, vivid message that took a mere 8mins to share, the story of Easter was never more real to me than this. I've heard the stories, read the Book, watched the movies... but it just took 8 mins from a man who obviously had the power and authority to speak with such eloquence and simplicity to illustrate the senario ever so realistically to me, as if I was really brought back in time to 33 A.D.

Praise God.
-----------------------------

I wanna close with the lyrics of the song, 'Why', that I posted exactly one year ago in April. It's about the time of the Crucifiction related through the eyes of a young girl.

We rode into town the other day,
just me and my daddy.
he said I’d finally reached that age,
and I could ride next to him on a horse
that of course, was not quite as wild.

We heard a crowd of people shouting,
and so we stopped to find out why.
There was that man that my dad said he loved,
but today there was fear in his eyes.

So I said, “Daddy, why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why is He dressed in that bright purple robe?
I bet that crown hurts Him more than He shows.
Daddy please, can’t you do something?
He looks as though He’s gonna cry.
You said He was stronger than all of those guys;
Daddy, please tell me why.
Why does everyone want Him to die?”

Later that day, the sky grew cloudy,
and Daddy said I should go inside.
Somehow he knew things would get stormy.
Boy was he right, but I could not keep from wondering
if there was something he had to hide.

So after he left, I had to find out.
I was not afraid of getting lost.
So I followed the crowds to a hill
where I knew men had been killed,
and I heard a voice come from the cross.

And it said, “Father, why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why are they casting their lots for my robe?
This crown of thorns hurts me more than it shows.
Father please, can’t you do something?
I know that You must hear my cry.
I thought I could handle a cross of this size.
Father, remind me why.
Why does everyone want me to die?
Oh, when will I understand why?”

My precious son, I hear them screaming.
I’m watching the face of the enemy beaming.
But soon I will clothe you in robes of my own.
Jesus, this hurts me much more than you know,
but this dark hour, I must do nothing,
though I’ve heard your unbearable cry.
The power in your blood destroys all of the lies;
soon you’ll see past their unmerciful eyes.
Look, there below, see the child
trembling by her father’s side.
Now I can tell you why...
she is why you must die.

tearing up all over

2007-04-01T22:51:00.000+08:00

complicated.
i'm tearing up all over.
LORD, I'm so far away from you. You didn't move, I did.
What am I to do? Where to go? Which to choose? what... WHAT to DO, really??

What should I pray for? ask for?
I need patience.. I need control... I need to have more time with my Master..

Why do I come back to this point again? why.. is there a choice for me at all? Can I actually choose one over the other? Lord, what do You intend to do? what am I suppose to learn?

bon voyage...

2007-02-28T00:49:00.000+08:00

thanks for everything... although i know you won't ever get a chance to read this .. i guess this is just my way of coping with such situations..

thanks for making those wonderful dishes - i think you're really talented in that area! thanks for sharing with me your thoughts, your day, your escapades.. i'm gonna miss calling your name in the house asking to look for things.. (haha.. oops) it's just that, you're the one who knows where everything is, it's a great relief to have someone around the house who has all the answers.. (it's really ironic actually, when i'm actually the real inhabitant of the place and not know where things are..). and you've been so hardworking with the dogs.. faithfully bringing them out every night and morning.. feeding them food and making them happy whenever you play with them.. i'm sure they'll miss your presence.. i think my family will too..

take care now.. Nati.. I can only pray for you and hope that your life ahead will be good. May i wish you happiness and more things learnt! heh.. will miss you too. bye...

Beautiful sky..just so beautiful..

2007-02-09T00:21:00.000+08:00

Photo's taken from the beach in Perth.

Isn't the sky just BEAUTIFUL???! This sea was also where I lost this pair of sunglasses when a wave hit while some of us were trying to get a pic of us at shore.. heh. Ooo how I miss those days with the polo team at Australia...

Or maybe, I just missed Australia!! I wanna go back soon!!

Beautiful sky... just so beautiful.. praise God..
"And God saw that it was good." (Gen 1:10)

Missing those days.. waterpolo..sigh.

2007-02-09T00:19:00.000+08:00

Wow it's been a pretty loooooooong time since I've blogged now.. Now that I've got quite a bit of free time and tmr morning I've got no class, think i'll just pen something out now..

Was just surfing friendster pictures (yet again..) and i just saw some of my (now ex-) teammates pictures of us from our overseas competition trips. it reminded me of the games, the cool and fresh air, the shopping, the people, the bus rides, the flights, the wins, the loses, the t-shirts, the costumes, the bumps, the ice, the shoutings and the pictures..

Everybody knows why I quit the Singapore Women's Waterpolo Team.. But it's now like I totally BLAME my job.. i mean, I made the choice to take up the job too, and for that, i've not the time and energy to commit all the way and train for competitions and to take leave to go overseas.. To me, being a national athlete includes commitment, discipline and passion for the sport. I can't just go for one training a week (or within a month!) and then turn up for a competition, I know we're lacking in my position, but I just don't think it's right for me..

Well I have my losses and my gains. I just really miss being in a team where we'll always wanna squeeze a photo whenever we're just happy, or scream at each other nicknames that plainly reflects our affectionate gesture to each other, or just being in an all-girls' team!

I remembered last time when i had to drop my netball for my swimming during my sec 4 year (for obvious reasons like O's), it was real bad man... I really missed my whole team, i loved the times when we sweated (literally) together during running sets, shooting, playing, or just plain talking when we're changing from our shoes to our slippers after a match.. I missed the comaraderie, the fact that you're accountable to another and she is too, the issue of having someone else knowing your quirky habits (like bathing only once a day..haha!) and tease you during debriefing sessions.. arghh... just miss it all.......

On hindsight, now that I'm 3 nights free-er, I get to have...REST! i end at almost 8pm every night..and it's not from those kind of sedentary desk-top job where the only movements you have are your fingers and eye-balls. It's carrying 20kg< kids and throwing them around, it's shouting instructions across two lanes to reach to the centre lanes, over and above they being underwater doing the wrong thing, it's walking up and down 50m for up to 30 times each session, and it's definitely inclusive of prolonged exposure to our very own source of energy, shining bright with all its glory for 6 hours each time, pulling the temperatures to up to 36 degrees Celsius in a day. And that's just one day. I do that 6 days a week. I've got a colleague who works all 7. I hope now you can see how much of that REST I probably need!! heh.

But then again, I love my job. It's tough, yeah, but it's satisfying. Whenever I see a swimmer's strokes improve, my load gets lifted. When I see a kid's able to move up to the next level, I get inspired. Whenever I feel that the kid is more responsive to me and more 'ting hua' (chinese for teachable and always listens), I want to do more. The pay is good for me. The people (and boss!) are great. I get two mornings off (besides Sunday) so I seriously can't ask for a better job.

Now you can see why I wanna quit yet, I also don't really wanna get out. However, the girls' team are doing pretty well without me! I went back and I saw new faces - good ones too! heard they are really hard-core (going down early, getting into the pool early/on time!..wha if it were any of the seniors, the rest would probably think spoil market! haha.. but no, this is good..) which, i think, reminded me of ... me! I remember during my early days when I was training as a goalkeeper, I knew I was way lousy enough to go for any competition..i.e., i didn't think i was decent at all. I remember being called 'gung-ho' of the team..heehee.. I liked the pain..I liked the mistakes, it just showed me how much I can actually improve when corrected. At the end of the day, my vainity was served, staring at my bathroom mirror sometimes and admiring my.. ahem..(sorry, really full of myself now..) i think it was 4 pac.. haha!! okok i'll stop.

I liked working hard for something I believed in. Waterpolo was something that I woke up to, something that made (and actually still make!) my heart pound quite fast in excitment about 1-2hours before I go for training.. yeah seriously! I loved (and still love!) the game..the ball throws.. the saves...just even the sound 'PUNG!!' on my arm when i make a save on my side..or even a pluck! sigh..

K I'll just put up some photos for remeniscence sake..

Just some pictures from memory lane..

2007-02-09T00:08:00.000+08:00

dear, YOU made all the difference!

2006-11-08T22:48:00.000+08:00

It started just like any other day.
I got up and had breakfast with my dad and brother at my dad's favorite porriage shop. Except for the pleasant birthday wish from my dad and warm hug from my brother, the rest still felt the same.
After breakfast, i started packing my room..just like any other day. (the house is under renovation yah, not that i very hardworking to pack my room)
Went to coaching..just like any other day..
No one knew it was my birthday..just like any other day..
then night came and i was looking forward to our dinner.. expected to pick you up from Harbourfront station .... but...

You came straight to the pool instead!
You brought me a cake!...in front of all the swimmer's parents!
You wanted to hold a mini party for me at the pool!
...how sweet of you!

from that time onwards, things got better and better.. haha.. you know the rest dear.. we parked next to posh cars.. (haha..imagine the chapalan Dan Tad next to porshe and BM 7 series.. haha..) ...ate amazing beef..I got free beef again cos of that hair strain, plus the incredible dessert was on the house cos of my birthday!

on top of everything, you looked good... you were handsome man! first time your 5 o'clock shadow did some good.. did you shape it or something? haha.. the shirt you wore was simple..but you made it look dashing..YOU were dashing! =) you were really sweet.. you called me at 12 midnight this morning to wish me.. that's all that made me happy.. you did so many other things that made me happy.. you said (and not said) many things that comforted me and made me feel special.. this was my special day. it was just like any other day, till you came into the picture.

Thank you dear.

summary. | hazy affair.

2006-10-16T16:53:00.000+08:00

Wha.. as of 4pm this afternoon the PSI reading was 130! no swimming lessons! Oh I'm a swimming instructor now full-time, for those who didn't know. Also practicing a bit of sports psychology with the competitive swimmers.
Actually I've an MC for today anyway, cos of my gastric attack yesterday.. was quite serious.. i think i scared my church choir quite a bit man.. couldn't even sing.. they all looked so worried.. I'm fine now thanks for your prayers! Went to the doc right after first service and he gave me a jab to ease the pain. My dad suspects it's the novo virus that's been around..

Anyway, I'm much better today. Had to bring my new doggie to the vet. Tiger the boxer. he's super skinny apparently he had tick fever and he's recovering pretty well with the good appetite and all. And I just got a new watch! 25hours. Black, waterproof, digital watch with stop-watch functions. I need this for doing laps for the competitive swimmers man.. always so shorthanded with the timings. Cheap too! got it at $34.30! so happy.

My place is a super mess now.. renovating downstairs room into my bro's new 'home' temporarily. it's gonna be real nice! just imagine, right next to the garden outside.. wow..

I've got my NCAP 1 results back! passed.

Went to watch Carmen over the weekend with Kenley and his family. It was fantastic! see all those spanish ladies flip their skirts up and flinging them in the air plus the rhythmic stamping of their feet and claps.. wha.. macam Riverdance with beautifully coloured skirts and cuter guys.. I was really CAPTIVATED by their performance .. after the show we all went to eat the famous hokkien mee, satay, sambal stingray and oyster omelettes at the Makansutra Glutton square.. wha shiok man..

K lah.. that was just a quick summary on my life. gotta go rest more now.. and go downstairs find out what's Tiger barking about now.. chiao!

what i've been up to..

2006-07-31T12:27:00.000+08:00

my life so far.

2006-07-31T12:16:00.000+08:00

I'm bored.
Bored at home. bored waiting for my job's application.
My bf's not picking up his phone... cos he's still sleeping at this time of the morning. that makes me feel like sleeping again.
I feel useless, underused.. as if my body's not been stretched to its full potential.
Or has it been stretched too much? I just got a really bad viral infection in my throat.. just flashed a torch into my buccal cavity, saw a huge ulcer at the back of my throat. Thought it's some torsilitis or something, but doc gave me antibiotics and i hope it works.

I'm getting more cheong hay. I getting more out-of-point.
I need to read the news abit more.. need to know more about the Isreali attacks (or was Isreal attacked?)
I need to be educated - in every sense of the word. Having just graduated, the ceremony and all doesn't make a difference. I would put some photos up.......if not for my laziness right now.

I've been hooked on Smallville. Clana, Clex, Chloe, Lexana - combination of names I've inquired from youtube.

my day looks bleak and boring. physio, coaching, sore throat, coaching, tv, sore throat, sleep. Damn waste-timer i see.

I need to be a do-er. I need to look up for more job applications. I need to read the newspapers. I have to stop sleeping and start being what I wanna be. I can't get too comfortable. I need to earn money, stop watching movies. Need to resume grooming Dino's hair.. feed them with good dry food. Haven't met up with Daph and Clare yet to give them their gift from Philippines. Clare doesn't seem to want to come by and visit me or doggies.. oh wait, why should she? doesn't live at hall any more what. I need to do a lot of things..the most ringing thing is to get that full-time job. I need to start.

Spirit is willing, flesh is weak.

Footballitis

2006-07-10T11:13:00.000+08:00

ITALY!!!
I was initially supporting France but when I saw many puzzling, provoking instances that I saw..especially the shocking, revolting and inexplicably inexcusable display of NON-sportsmanship by Zinedine Zidane, as how Maggie from power 98 says, "impersonated a goat" by head-butting Italian defender Marco Materrazi. What an ignominious end to Zidane's brillant career. Sigh. I had quite a good impression of him before this. I even pitied him when the French were playing so badly last night, dilinquishing his abilities.. but now... argh WHY??!?

I bet this will be the main talk on most coffee tables this morning - might even be more than about Italy winning the world cup. Haiyoh... it's just damn wasted lah..

Anyway, now that the world cup fever's over, I can have a good full night's sleep and dun need to fetch kenley back home anymore in the wee hours of the morning. I'm gonna be graduating tmr!! My ceremony's tmr morning.. apparently there's live webcast of the ceremony! (erm, if any are interested, it's at www.nus.edu.sg/commencement2006). My ceremony starts at 10 and mine's some where in the middle i guess.. i just previewed today's live webcast and heard the valedictorian speak. He was remeniscing about his good ole days and somehow that made me feel super nostalgic all over again..like how i felt on the last day of exam and i was studying in the school's central lib for the very last time.. boo hooo!!! I'm actually gonna miss my student days!!!! bleah! Tmr, i'm gonna be graduating with a bunch of my contemporaries too..so not so bad, at least we can all take lots of pics together, throw our mortar boards together and..maybe..even cry together? tear lah.. hmmm.... it's gonna be quite an experience.. and i also can't wait.. it's called Commencement and I like it that way, rather than graduation. Cos it's really a start and I can't really wait to start my new life and see what's ahead of me.. Start to earn money (hopefully big), make even more new friends, see the cold, evil world and learn how to get around it.. wow.. I'm like some small little girl waiting to enter a whole new Disneyland full of scary rollercoasters and pretty ferry wheels..

ok i gtg fetch my bro to the doctor.. said he got some sorethroat.. footbalitis? (*lame lame*). k bye.

so true.. We can't out-GIVE God..

2006-05-30T00:46:00.000+08:00

This was what I got from a friend via email..

YOU CAN'T OUT-GIVE GOD
By Dr. James MacDonald

“Bring the full tithes into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. And thereby put me to the test, says the Lord of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour down for you a blessing until there is no more need.” Malachi 3:10

I believe that first things belong to God. The first moments of the day are His, the first day of the week, the first of my talents, the first of my treasures, the first of my time—not only does God deserve them, but they belong to Him.

I also believe that my best belongs to God. Some people say, “Well, I’m not a morning person. It’s hard for me to spend time with the Lord so early”—then give Him your best time and focus at night. The principle is this: give God your very best in every area of your life—your time, talents, energy, and finances.

Many people track with this concept until they get to the last word on that list …finances. When it comes to giving generously and sacrificially to God first , they draw the line and retreat in self-protection. What if I don’t have enough?

God knows what you give to Him. You don’t need to fear coming up short at the end of the month because you gave to Him first. No, God is in debt to nobody. You can’t out give Him. He will stand with those who stand with Him. You give, and God will give back to you in a thousand different ways.

I know that many of you reading this have tasted and seen that the Lord is good. You have proved God’s faithfulness and are living under the outpourings of blessing. Others have never tasted that sweetness because they’ve not yet stepped out in faith to put God first. They wonder, why is it always so tough for us? Why do we struggle every month? Could this be it? I don’t believe you can have victory in your finances until you first get victory in priority of giving. You’re on your own if you don’t put God first.

I commend to you the courage to examine this area of your life. You’re making a statement of what you believe about God every time the offering is taken. Every gift is a step of faith. Kathy and I picked up this challenge years ago and God has proven Himself to us over again. He will to you too.

It’s your turn. Give generously and sacrificially to God for a week, for a month, for a year, and you’ll have stories of God’s faithfulness to tell for the rest of your life. God can get a lot to people who are willing to give it back to Him.

God help us to live true to His Word and in the light of His promises and provision.

I feel hurt. I don't know why.

2006-05-27T01:05:00.000+08:00

I'm so hurt. I just feel crushed. I don't know what led to it. There's probably so many things that might have have this cummulative effect.

There're so many things about myself I wish I could change. There's also so many things that I wish I could be stronger in. God made us like that so that we could be dependent on Him and discover His amazing grace and power in our lives. Maybe that's it... I don't know. I'm just tired..

that's it. no more..

2006-05-05T19:20:00.000+08:00

today marks the end of my exams. and also the end of my NUS career.. it was so liberating the moment my exam ended and they collected the papers and all.. but (i think I'm also PMS-ing) it's the last day i'll ever be an NUS student, sitting in that school walking on those grounds as an NUS student.. sob sob!

this morning when i was studying the lib, listening to Goodbye My Lover by James Blunt i just stared at the empty library and wha.. felt so nostalgic!! it's so sadd!! i'm gonna miss all the times i had in school.. the complains from friends about lectures, the 50 cents lemon tea, the climbing of endless steps to class from the car park, the way we try to 'cheat' the carpark barrier..just lazing with our drinks at the canteen talking crap.. freezing together in the lecture theatres..and when reading week comes, the rushing up central library stairs to rush for a discussion room at like 7.56am in the morning.. sighh.. so fun.. all gone now.. BOO!!!!!!!!

Easter dedication - Why - Nicole Nordeman

2006-04-26T15:28:00.000+08:00

We rode into town the other day,
just me and my daddy.
he said I’d finally reached that age,
and I could ride next to him on a horse
that of course, was not quite as wild.

We heard a crowd of people shouting,
and so we stopped to find out why.
There was that man that my dad said he loved,
but today there was fear in his eyes.

So I said, “Daddy, why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why is He dressed in that bright purple robe?
I bet that crown hurts Him more than He shows.
Daddy please, can’t you do something?
He looks as though He’s gonna cry.
You said He was stronger than all of those guys;
Daddy, please tell me why.
Why does everyone want Him to die?”

Later that day, the sky grew cloudy,
and Daddy said I should go inside.
Somehow he knew things would get stormy.
Boy was he right, but I could not keep from wondering
if there was something he had to hide.

So after he left, I had to find out.
I was not afraid of getting lost.
So I followed the crowds to a hill
where I knew men had been killed,
and I heard a voice come from the cross.

And it said, “Father, why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why are they casting their lots for my robe?
This crown of thorns hurts me more than it shows.
Father please, can’t you do something?
I know that You must hear my cry.
I thought I could handle a cross of this size.
Father, remind me why.
Why does everyone want me to die?
Oh, when will I understand why?”

My precious son, I hear them screaming.
I’m watching the face of the enemy beaming.
But soon I will clothe you in robes of my own.
Jesus, this hurts me much more than you know,
but this dark hour, I must do nothing,
though I’ve heard your unbearable cry.
The power in your blood destroys all of the lies;
soon you’ll see past their unmerciful eyes.
Look, there below, see the child
trembling by her father’s side.
Now I can tell you why...
she is why you must die.

geez

2006-04-20T00:15:00.000+08:00

i've nothing much to write about.. just that i'm pretty much occupied by my exams as it's that time of the year again.. it's the time when the whole of level 6 is filled to the brim with people at every table, when the lunch period is split into three parts, when the toilet at level 6 stinks of s*** in the morning and modarately in the afternoons (yes, so go to level 5..or outside at AS6!), and especially before all this, at precisely 7.50am, approximately 20 people are gathered in front of the lib glass door and as soon as the auntie unlocks and opens it, they all SPRINT .. and I repeat SPRINT as if it's the last race Roger Bannister would have gone and yell at each other 'aye! faster lah!' .. all the way to level 6 for a chance to get hold of one of the 9 precious DISCUSSION ROOMS. I had my chance last year. This year, I've still got some dignity left in me..dun intend on losing it first thing in the morning.. i've even heard 'teammates' who said to each other, 'eh, i hold ur books and laptop for you. you just RUN ok?' Gosh.

haha.. but these are just but some of the wonderful later-can-sit-back-and-laugh kind of memories i'll bring out of NUS.. that's if i would be graduating after this sem.. which i'm still unsure of.. my grades will tell.. no, actually, God will tell.. I might still grad even if i might have done well.. see where He leads lah huh..

oh yes, right after my exams i'll be going to Philippines for my first mission trip! quite excited about it cos I really don't know what's in plan for me.. so glad that it didn't clash with my polo trip (which was supposed to be held in May..was so worried.. but the Lord delivered me!)..

anyway, now i'm in my last lap.. i'm afraid to compromise my time with my studies lest i regret not spending enough time studying should I not do well in the end.. cos if i don't do well, at least i could say i tried my best, spending all i could studying.. that's why i think i might have to give some training sessions a miss.. sigh.. i think i also need to do some workout back at home for muscle maintenance man.. (even tho not much muscle in the first place! eeps!) or else ah, i'll kena another episode of elbow and end up at kallang stadium for another 3 months.. ehhh.. no thanks..

eh ok lah.. i quite sleepy now.. tmr another round of mugging.. not sure if i'm losing steam yet.. pray that I'll get through!

2006-04-04T00:38:00.000+08:00

Trust Him, for "the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness" Rom 8:26
Surely God will honour all our prayers in faith.

thank God

2006-03-24T17:44:00.000+08:00

Thank God.

Thank God.

My prayers were answered. I'm feeling so much better now.. Everything just seems so right! It's a new start for me.. Even the stress from school (that caused me to have 3 ulcers in a row in my gums) can't bring me down.. Truely.. He's real..

This week had been quite a bad one yet good one for me. I was both physically, mentally and emotionally very stressed by quite a number of things.. I thought I could control it all myself, trying to have this internal locus of control (health psych says it's good..) but it's only good to a certain extent. (Social) Support is imperative and I sought the best support - Jesus Christ. I'm so glad things turned out the way they did. (oh yes, thanks to Shu Ling who read about my ordeal, was so sweet to lend me a whole dvd of Simpsons to enjoy! thanks!)

Everything is there for a reason.
Praise God. =)

This is it.

2006-03-21T09:44:00.000+08:00

life goes on huh.

forget about everything i said.

as i said, i was simply trying to wallow in self-pity for a while. it makes me feel good in a way. but i don't mean much of it.

Hardly anyone reads my blog anyway, except anonymous people, so this is kinda like a diary or some sort.

it's a sad life..

2006-03-19T23:38:00.000+08:00

I was just checking friendster.. nothing to check much actually.. nobody gives me messages, nobody checks my profie out, nobody bothers about what pics i've put up. ah what the heck, do i really care?

thing is, I do. A bit.

I know most part of me don't really care much about this kind of thing. sometimes i'm the kind who doesn't really care much about what other people think, just wanna get stuff done first. But most of the time, i try to be emphatic, i try to be sensitive..try to bother about what other people think. and that's when i wonder why they do certain things, which reflect what they think.

Anyway, as i was saying, i was just checking friendster and checking out all the pics of my friends.. they and their other friends... I was being ambitious and hoped to find my pic in one any of my friend's pics.. but to no avail. Then i was also thinking that why i hardly put pics of me and my friends.. maybe cos i was attached and filled the bulk of my pics of me and boyfriend. so then i thought, hmmm, if i had no boyfriend, who would be in my pics? who are my close friends who give me good memories?

but what bothered me most was .. in any of my friend's pics.. how come i wasn't in any of them.. issit cos i haven't taken any pics with them? no. I've taken quite a number of them.

it's like, why am i not in those pics of whom i would add in my pics? i.e. , if i consider them as close and great friends, i'll wanna show them off in my pictures, but why aren't i in their's?

this made me reflect on myself again. on me as a whole again. my character, my personality, my idiosyncrasies, my flaws, my mistakes, my tactlessness and everything. this reminded me of my past, when i was also shunned by my primary school mates. my parents ever warned me of my mistakes, and explained that those could be the cause of why i've not many close friends.

sigh. i really just feel like wallowing in self-pity right now, which is exactly what i'm doing here. I know it's useless - i won't feel any better after complaining. it's not like crying, at least after you cry you'll feel better and the problem seems slightly clearer or something.. now it's like. . argh. the problem has been with me since a long time ago.

why don't people wanna go out with me? why won't people wanna have dinner with me? issit simply cos i'm attached? can't be what, i've got friends who are attached too and they've got hell a lot of people who wanna be with them. so attached - out. so, is the problem with them? or ME? chances are, the problem's with ME. I've seen the trend there ever since young. the curse has been following me ever since till now. I'm definitely to blame - at least a part.

*just let me ruminate a bit more..*

I hate myself.

Why am i such a loser?

Why do i often feel alone?

Am I really that unattractive?

Do i repel people?

Why don't friends tease me or make fun of me?

Am i boring?

Why nobody jio's me for lunches/coffees/breaks/partying/surprise parties (you know how much i love surprises!! both for others and myself..)/for anything?!

why don't i have people i know whom i can call my close friends? those that i can call in the middle of the night and bitch about something that bothered me during the day? those that would do likewise to me, without the fear of a rejection? why don't i have friends whom i can go shopping with ? whom i always call to chat?

k i think i may be asking for a bit too much. like i'm trying to be miss popularity. yeah, i've never gotten that feeling. I know many others too. like i said, i'm just wallowing in self-pity. It's a kind of a defense mechanism you know.. hey, what do you know, i do feel better already..

(p.s.: i didn't mean a lot of things that i just said.. it's just to let out some steam...)

2006-03-14T11:16:00.000+08:00

there're just so many things on my mind right now...
that i'm on the brink of getting depressed..

smses from the same person

2006-03-07T09:56:00.000+08:00

These are another few smses i received from the same caring person these past few weeks. I asked her where she got such encouraging sms-es and she just said it was forwarded or read it from somewhere..

Received: 27 Feb '06 10:13am

"If you look at the world, you'll be distressed.
If you look within, you'll be depressed.
But.....
If you look at Christ, you'll be at peace and rest.
Good morning and have a Spirit-filled week ahead. :-)

Received: 28 Feb '06 1:29pm

The Value of a Woman
This couldn't be said more beautifully............
Be careful if you make a woman cry
because God counts her tears.
A woman came out of a man's rib,
not from his head to be superior over,
but from his side to be equal.
Under the arm to be protected, and
next to the heart to be loved.
Pass this on to all exceptional women that you know (which i did)
... and to men too - so they know the value of a woman....
God bless :-)

Received: 6 March '06 9:31am

Turn not aside, discouraged one,
stir up your gift, pursue your goal.
In God's own time you'll see Him work,
He'll give you hope and lift your soul.

Awful circumstances cannot alter the goodness of God!
Good morning and have a blessed week ahead :-)

I think each sms were worth 3 smses.. But anyways, it's really encouraging to read such things, and that someone cares for you too... =)

better train while not training

2006-02-23T15:15:00.000+08:00

Saved a ball with the left side of my ribcage.
Now can't sleep on my left, can't breathe normally.
Plus i've got a very bad sore throat, not sure from what.

Just saw doc this morning, said it's a muscle overstrain, no polo for at least a week.
Gave me medicine for pains, now i'm drowsy, can't read my health psychology text with full focus.
Got a test this sat and next thurs, and I'm barely halfway through my 'Issues of Developmental Psych' essay assignment.

sigh. Am I stressed?

an sms I recieved this morning

2006-02-20T10:48:00.000+08:00

"God has not promised skies always blue,
flower-strewn pathways all our lives through.
God has not promised sun without rain,
joy without sorrow.

But God has promised STRENGTH for the day,
REST for the labour,
LIGHT for the way,
GRACE for the trials,
HELP from above,
unfailing and undying LOVE.

If you would dare to trust Him and not doubt,
He'll satisfy us abundantly.
He opens the door into His fullness
And we'll know that
He has done it all.

Good morning. =) "

you can't rush things in life. you just can't.

2006-02-18T01:44:00.000+08:00

In His time
in His time
He makes all things beautiful
in His time

Lord please show me everyday
as You're teaching me Your way
that You do just what You say
In Your time.

In Your time
In Your time
You make all things beautiful
In Your time

Lord my life to You I bring,
may each song I'm to sing
be to You a lovely thing
In Your time

My most memorable BBQ..

2006-02-14T23:23:00.000+08:00

Just what did we do for our 2nd Valentine's Day? - We had dinner.
Was it posh? - Nope. BBQ! --> TAKE AWAY bbq that is!

haha.. it was damn fun. I went with my mum and Kenley over to NTUC to get the wire mesh and aluminium tray and all the food (actually simply beef and cheese sausages) and chocolate for the chocolate banana.. then went to my place and while I was running around the house packing all the ice ah, charcoal ah, bed-n-breakfast table ah, mat ah..and all that, Kenley was preparing the banana chocolate and subsequently ate some dinner (home-cooked) with my Dad cos my dad warned that we won't be eating till another 2 hrs later - which later became true.

So after we were all packed and ready to go, we made our way to my favorite place - West Coast Park. Guess where we had our picnic. It was a mere 2.5m from the car park itself. It was practically behind my van. HAHA! however, we had our lamp as our source of light so that we could see what we're cooking. Plus, the weather was remarkable. It was windy the whole night! So shiok.

So we tried to get the fire started. *fan fan fan*. No fire. We played cards - the game of speed - while waiting for the the inital big flames to 'grow smaller for cooking'. We didn't know they'ld DIE down to nothing again. No fire for the next 1 hr. We were down to our last fire-starter. I almost wanted to cry but Kenley kept fanning undaunted. Then, he stopped. I thought he gave up too. Then he suddenly said, 'Aye, yay, good' nonchalently. then I noticed that the WHOLE bunch of charcoal in there were in flames! the whole thing just BURST into flames from no where! I was SOOO excited.. I was like, YAY! we can finally eat! So we started our meal at like, 9pm. (I think by then most people must have progressed to part 2 of their agenda for the night huh..) and every now and then, the fire would die, but we were encourage by our first episode and faithfully fanned the glowing charcoals till flames reappeared again.. it was a really fun experience.. enriching? haha.. might say that..

We cooked our beef (too well done..damn tough to eat eh..) and the cheese sausages (SPETACULAR.. they were the best man.. both of us finished all 10 sticks)... then, we had our dessert - Chocolate Banana!! woo hoo.. it was real good. when we were left with our last chocolate banana, they were burning hot, so hot that the banana's 'essence' was seeping out of the aluminium foil and simmering in the tray like frying oil.. so when we took it out and put it on our plastic plates, that were on our plastic bed-n-breakfast table, there were some charcoal that came with it and it burnt through the plastic plate AND the bed-n-breakfast table. I was like ARGHH!!! Kenley! it's melting the table!! then I so smart..threw the still-glowing little cube of charcoal into our plastic bag also the dustbin. Little did I know that that same charcoal burnt through the plastic bag, which was on our straw mat - and burnt it too. And I was like, ARGHH!! it's burning this too!!

Haha.. from no fire to too much of it. But Kenley and I took some pics there and in the van. Our dinner ended pretty early about 10.30pm..my mum was surprised how come I came back so early.. My friend on msn thought I didn't go out in the first place. heh.

Fun fun fun. This is the first Valentine's where I dont' really feel the lovey-dovey feeling that much. cos no flowers or gifts (but there's chocolate!). I warned Kenley not to get me flowers today (even though i'm a real sucker for flowers)..found it really waste of money.

I loved tonight. It was really fun, despite the burnt stuff that might have ruined a bit of the night. Learnt about some stuff about Kenley and myself too. You know, sometimes you can't, or rather, SHOULDN'T expect too much - or anything, for that matter - of your bf/gf. He/She not doing how/what you think he/she should have done doesn't make him/her any different or inferior. Sometimes I finally realize I need to work this out within myself.

Looking back at tonight, I'm glad it went according to how it went. It was perfect.

2006-02-14T09:13:00.000+08:00

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's day everybody.. hope you're taking some time out for your loved ones - not necessarily your bf/gf only, but THOSE who love you for who you are --> THEY are the real lovers. here's a few tips for the last minuters:

1) Get them something..
2) make them something...
3) make them happy...
4) take them out, have lunch with them..
5) surprise them..
6) give them an sms to wish them..maybe consider adding a Biblical verse to it, like "Now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greates of these is love." 1 Cor 13:13. Or this, "We love because He first loved us." 1 John 4:19.
7) watch tv with them
8) play cards with them
9) thank them for loving you
10) thank them for being a blessing in your life
11) do the dishes for them.. pack your room by yourself too..
12) give them an e-card
13) give them an email!
14) stop working and talk to them

and basically...

Make then HAPPY, let them know that you love them. what is love? you may ask.. you can check out 1 Cor 13:4-8 for those of you who have Bibles. If not, here it is, together with my interpretation based on my experiences with Kenley..heehee

Love is patient.. - this means you wait for him with no anger, even though he takes God-knows how long to change and pack, or when he's still wearing his socks upstairs and you told him you're there already.

..love is kind.. - this means you help him when he needs it, or even when he doesn't. If he needs a lift all the way back to Pioneer road, you give it with no 'buts'. Even if he doesn't, if it permits, bring him there anyway. Gosh you've got a car!

..It does not envy, it does not boast.. - You and him probably have many talents each and hence have your pride in your different areas. But don't look down on yourself just cos you're not sought by 9 guys, or didn't have a 50/100 backstroke school nationals record for a couple of years, or not the Miss Nice Lady in the group.. Even so, don't look down on HIM if he can't sing, dance or entertain, for that matter (ok he's jokes are getting better.. hee). Or just cos he doesn't do what you do for him, like giving cookies and chocolates, buying you the things that cost a bomb.. Because of this 4-letter word, LOVE, you two love each other for who each other is - in every sense of that cliche phrase! Everything doesn't matter once you guys have the love of Christ!

..It is not rude .. - self explanatory. Show the respect man, whether he deserves it or not.

..it is not self-seeking.. - this means stop doing things only when it's convenient for YOU. Go out of the way once in a while, like he did for you. Tolerate his idiosyncrasies, like he did for you. Stop arguing just to make sure that you're heard, accept each other's differeneces, like he did for you. Stop expecting him to tell you 'he loves you' every other day, SHOW it, like he did for you.

..it is not easily angered.. - (can't remember which verse it is..but) Don't dwell on stupid arguments that were triggered from trivial sparks of emotions that only magnifies your undesired human nature. Think through the problem man.. just like him. Sigh if you need to, it slows things down. But sigh with the correct intentions! Remember, after all, he still loves you very much!

..it keeps no record of wrongs.. - he forgot all. he didn't mind. he still loves you for who you are. he takes all that rubbish, all that nonsense, all that screaming and tantrums - the whole package, he takes them, put them in his pocket where he knows where it is but does not take out, and still loves you. Forget about your ideal partner. This imperfect friend is a friend very much perfect for you. It's cos God made him perfect for you. "And God saw all that He had made, and it was very good." Gen 1:31.

..Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.. - Do you really think that he thinks you're fat? or ugly? He doesn't wanna make you feel good by giving you a white lie. He tells you the truth so that in that simple act - by being blatent with you - you know that he knows that even though you're fat and he knows it, he still loves you. Also, do you realise he's not indulging in immoral ways because he's got the love of Christ? Do you appreciate that he doesn't go drinking just to get drunk and wasted so that he may be sober and keep off all undesired behaviour? Be thankful that he's a man of God. Praise God for what your man seeks in.

.. It always protects.. - He doesn't want to see you hurt. He doesn't EVER want to be the one that makes you cry. He very much wants to protect this special relationship before you guys are married. He stands up for you - only when you really need it. He corrects you - so that you may not tread the wrong path.

..always trusts.. - He doesn't mind you going out with your other guy friends from school, or have a meal with your childhood friend alone.. So should you NOT worry about his past crushes that he had, or his ex-girlfriends and his expectations that he might have of you (goodness, if he really loves you for who you are, there're NO expectations!) Likewise if he doesn't answer your calls or your smses, or if he's not back from dinner with his group of friends, STOP deceiving yourselves! Trust him. He loves you, and you need to trust him to keep this engine of love going.. If you can trust him, and he trusts you, nothing should go wrong..

..always hopes.. - You and him quarrel like nobody's business. And it's over nothing. He still holds on. You tell him he's wasting his time on you and that he should find 'someone he deserves'. He says no, and he wants to hold on. What's he doing?? He's holding on. He's not given up on you. He knows there's a better side of you after this whole bickering. He knows that deep down, there's a part of you that loves him too, and he wants to rejoice in that. He knows that after this bickering, comes the reconciliation, and henceforth, a better relationship. He thanks God.

..always perseveres.. - It's really very tiring to tolerate all your tantrums and nonsense under the disguise of your PMS. Likewise, stop picking on his bad points and his bad days. Be there for him. Show him the love of Christ - the love that surpasses all understanding (i.e. you won't know WHY you're still loving him! but do you always need a reason?).

..Love never fails.. - What a comforting thought. Thank God.

This is just MY personal interpretation of what the verses mean to me. The verses are very powerful. You can use it to show what it means in your life. Feel free to dispute what I've said, or even if you wish to encourage and give hope. I've highlighted the verses in red, symbolizing the blood of Christ. I know this is not like some sermon or what, but I know, the greatest Lover of all is Christ himself. Beneath all these acts and words of love is Christ, because God IS love. and many people can't understand that. Hey everybody, we've got an amazing God.

few more pics..

2006-02-09T23:35:00.000+08:00

(above: us at T2 trying to get a group shot as all in one piece before we go)

the first time our van's door broke down - at Perth airport when we first got the van.
(val looks so traumatized while Ade looks thoughtful)

inside the stadium

South African girls vs England at the outdoor pool

Singapore men vs England
can't remember but i think it's the women's Australia vs Canada

Our coach, Matthew Tan prepping us before our game

Thinking back about the Commonwealth, I must say that the experience was really enriching. Not only about the other country's people and how they play and stuff.. but I learnt quite a bit about my own teammates --> and possibly about people around me.. and I think I learnt quite a bit about myself too. I don't wanna go into details but.. yep just a comment.

Some pics!

2006-02-08T08:45:00.000+08:00

the hot (sun) & cold (wind & waters) beach - beautiful!

some of us

45 min worth of fireworks at Swan River on Australia Day, 26 Jan

both men and women's team

was just snapping with one hand while driving back to the airport

terribly busy sorry

2006-02-06T00:09:00.000+08:00

Hey SSF, wha I didn’t know you were that interested in our games. Sorry I have been quite tied up with the CNY plus catching up with school notes and stuff that really got me feeling quite tired these few days. It sucks getting back to reality man. Oh well, ok I’ll maybe give a quick review of the Games as much as I can. (I actually wrote a whole completed blog on this, and then while trying to upload the pics, the whole blog has to close so it was all gone! Damn frustrated. I’m actually re-typing it on Word now just in case..)

During our 1 week stay at Perth, we basically played 6 games at Challenge Stadium (7 countries in total) and details of each day can be read at www.waterpolochamps.com so you can go check it out. (Just an ego booster: I’m mentioned in day 3 report on us against Scotland! Heehee..)

The ang mohs there are HUGE. They’re not only tall and broad shoulders and all that, but they’re HUGE..in every sense of the word. Heh. Every time after the introductory session where both teams are standing in one line (like that before a football match), then we’ll walk across to shake hands with our opponents, I’ll always tell them, ‘please dun kill me..’. The ang moh’s just took it as a joke and gave a little chuckle and then move on to shake the next person behind me. I was dead serious.

The Canadians were humongous. This pic on the right is with Canada’s #12, Christine Robinson. When I was just standing in the warm up pool, then I saw her walk past me and I looked up, and I was like, ‘I’m against her next. Shit.’ But after the match they were simply girls exchanging chips and Gatorade and all smiley and friendly when we asked to take picture with them.

Have I mentioned how playing waterpolo with them is like? Anyway, things can get pretty rough in there in the water. (For those who do not play Waterpolo, here’s a general idea of what it’s like.) As I mentioned, size does matter, especially if you’re the nearest person to the post in the center where you have the best angle to take a shot – the center forward. When you’re there, your defender is ON you like nobody’s business.. they’ll tug your collar they’re grab your who-knows-what and when the short-clock time’s up and there’s still no goal, they’ll kick off you like a standing board and counter like you didn’t have a life to live. In that process, you get scratched, pinched (!!), kicked/knocked/elbowed/butt-headed.. whatever you can think of..you can get it. Thing is, yes there’re referees around, but they’ll only blow a foul for you if it’s all shown ABOVE the water. So if they’re pulling your costume, you gotta rise up (by treading water really hard) so as to ‘show’ the referee that you’re being pulled, then he’ll blow the foul, or probably a sect, now with the change of rules. So let’s say they pull you at ur collar that straps across ur shoulders, and they pull inwards down your chest, AND you try to lift yourself up to show the ref.. what happens? PLUUUP! A breast is revealed. Tada… yeaps.. that happens quite a bit during international games especially (when it gets really serious).. in the world cup that I watched during 2002, girls’ costumes get torn 2-3 times and they’ve just gotta keep changing their costumes.. it’s because of this that they modified the rules that once they see a hand on another costume during a struggle, the ref’s are supposed to blow.

Wow my poor teammates got a lot of that going on in the game.. that’s partly why I chose to be a goalkeeper.. the only contact I have is the ball – whether on my face or breast – I’ld rather have that.

I must say we got what we wanted when we intended to go there in the first place. We wanted exposure, we wanted experience and we wanted to gain something valuable. We got the exposure, we definitely got the experience and nowadays, I guess there’s hardly a chance when we get to go overseas as a national contingent to represent our country and play against World Class players in the arena..

Anyway, I’m afraid I might have problems uploading pics but I guess I might have to do it one at a time.. so if I can find the time one day I’ll do it lah.. now gotta read my text for tmr’s lect!

(oh yeah, sorry SSF, no modeling pics. I declined the FHM and Maxim thingees but the guy said he’ll let me know about any other family magazines that might come by, which I preferred. Yup.)

2006-02-02T16:56:00.000+08:00

I'm so sleepy during my I/O tutorial now...

what I think..

2006-01-25T09:50:00.000+08:00

Greetings from Perth, Australia in the humble grounds of Acacia Hotel where the room's quite nice and the food's yesterday's. I'm currently using the internet station where it's actually $6 per hour per account..

The games so far had been not bad.. oh well.. at least we learnt something on the way. First game was against England and we lost 33-0. haha yeap. then the second game was after the opening ceremony, where the Australians were there to witness our massacre by the Aussie team themselves. we lost 31-1. that one goal by lynnette. wha after she scored that one goal, her head grew so big that she forgot that there's the rest of the game. heh. tsk tsk.. the most recent game was last night against Scotland - whom we're expected to win hands down cos they're considered the weakest team among the rest (besides us)..

anyway, my time's running out now.. gtg . will continue another time......

We're leaving tonight!

2006-01-21T10:15:00.000+08:00

It's SO exciting. My adrenaline's up already. not really for this afternoon's IVP meet.. but for tonight's flight to Perth! I like going overseas..experiencing the new weather, see rare sights, encounter different cultures and accents.. so fun so fun. I wonder who I'm gonna room with. I'm ok with everybody lah..close to a few.. oh well, it's just that your room mate sometimes might determine how fun the rest of the trip will be.

Last night's movie screening of Memoirs of a Geisha went well..despite the initial hick-up.. We were supposed to meet at Cathay at 6pm. I finished lecture at 5.45, had to zoom home to pass my bro the van then take the car manage to zoom down by 6.30. Only Net was there. Oi came soon after and we were like, 'where's our room? where's everybody? where are the tickets? where are the brownies? the bags? where's su?' wha... this continued all the way till about 7 where panic legally sets in. But low and behold, as soon as everything came in, we were surprisingly quite efficient! one table did the cards, the other the cakes, and oi at another with the tix. haha.. lots of complication won't go into detail but end of the day it was ready by 8. not bad huh.

When the people came, haiyoh, they not happy with seats eh.. all say want to sit here ah, sit together ah, lost one ticket ah, too many tickets ah and what not. Tickets sold full house so we girls were not able to get seats and watch. But when Oi said, 'Hey guys, there're extra tickets cos some people didn't come' .. we were like 'YAYAYYY!!!' and we all got one ticket each and went to our respective seats..though all scattered all over. I was alone man.. hahah but by the time i wanted to move with the rest the lights dimmed and I didn't want to look like those late comers walking up and down looking for seats. But i'm not complaining. I sat between Sai Meng and Marcus and we were like, righhhht at the back. (note: Cathay's new cinemas 10-12 just opened, hint: BEST seats are the LAST row! not middle!) One's the Captain of the guys' team (left this morning), the other one (though not going) but was the one on the cover of Men's Health. haha.. teased him too. at least I wasn't between any old grannys/aunties or what.. So yay, manage to enjoy my movie nevertheless.

Anyway, I think I better keep packing.. after IVP no time to pack already.

See ya after the Games!

something I 'stole' Abel's blog - thanks man! hee..

2006-01-19T11:13:00.002+08:00

I think this is so meaningful and true man.. just read it, and think about it.

C.H. Spurgeon's Morning Devotional
Thursday January 19, 2006
"I sought him, but I found him not."-Song of Solomon 3:1

Tell me where you lost the company of a Christ, and I will tell you the most likely place to find Him. Have you lost Christ in the closet by restraining prayer? Then it is there you must seek and find Him. Did you lose Christ by sin? You will find Christ in no other way but by the giving up of the sin, and seeking by the Holy Spirit to mortify the member in which the lust doth dwell. Did you lose Christ by neglecting the Scriptures? You must find Christ in the Scriptures. It is a true proverb, "Look for a thing where you dropped it, it is there." So look for Christ where you lost Him, for He has not gone away. But it is hard work to go back for Christ. Bunyan tells us, the pilgrim found the piece of the road back to the Arbour of Ease, where he lost his roll, the hardest he had ever travelled. Twenty miles onward is easier than to go one mile back for the lost evidence.

Take care, then, when you find your Master, to cling close to Him. But how is it you have lost Him? One would have thought you would never have parted with such a precious friend, whose presence is so sweet, whose words are so comforting, and whose company is so dear to you! How is it that you did not watch Him every moment for fear of losing sight of Him? Yet, since you have let Him go, what a mercy that you are seeking Him, even though you mournfully groan, "O that I knew where I might find Him!" Go on seeking, for it is dangerous to be without thy Lord. Without Christ you are like a sheep without its shepherd; like a tree without water at its roots; like a sere leaf in the tempest-not bound to the tree of life. With thine whole heart seek Him, and He will be found of thee: only give thyself thoroughly up to the search, and verily, thou shalt yet discover Him to thy joy and gladness.

been super busy lately yeap.

2006-01-19T10:25:00.000+08:00

I've been 'avoiding' my blog for quite a while yea.. it's just too much to talk about.. Swimming IVP day, my sickness, the fund raising, our training sessions, my team mates, my module bidding, the module i'm taking/observing at NIE, the whole saga that led to me FINALLY getting all the modules that I want (that is seriously God's grace..), emails from universities here and there and endless contemplation on the option to stay for Honours.

I'm just gonna jump here and there and miss a few things.
I caught the flu during Singapore's winter fling period, plus I had been training twice a day before that, plus my mum was sick. yeap must have got it from her. then. wou, I can't train for a WEEK. that's was last week. now it's been a week i'm gonna go down - finally! - for a game tonight. argh. and we're leaving for Perth this weekend already. (for those of you who have been following, Commonwealth Games is actually in Melbourne this March. This one we're going for is actually the Commonwealth Championships, an adjunct of the Games).

I've been sending emails back and forth with the NUS office admin and I really want to thank the lady who was helping me solve me appeal cases. She's been so patient with my requests man.. I was like, ' oh can i get this module and this module pls? cos i wanna graduate. oh i heard spaces are opening up for this module, but for the other one, can help me get in pls? oh no spaces? oh I've got a friend who wants to drop it, can i take her place? oh now you're giving me another module? er, nah, can i have this other one instead? oh hey my friend has dropped the module! can i have back that module again? oh great thanks!'

I probably sounded like.. haha.. she probably was complaining behind her desk what a demanding person i was.. haha. but anyways, i'm really thankful for the outcome.

waterpolo trainings. sigh. sometimes i feel as if the team hates me. sometimes i feel as if the team needs me. sometimes, i'm just numb. I dunno i'm just gonna play the best i can (singapore sports fan, I'm one of the goalkeepers by the way, i can't not play for the Commonwealth. =) )

anyway, I'm getting quite dry now.. blogging - as i expected - might be just a phase if driven by superficial inspirations. I think it's time I wrote stuff that are more indepth.. maybe less about myself too.

Memoirs of a Geisha Movie Screening

2006-01-19T10:05:00.000+08:00

Hi all readers (yes singapore sports fan, that includes you), YES we girls are going for the Commonwealth Games and we're actually leaving this weekend (right after swimming IVP)!

However we are unable to secure funds for the trip hence we're having a private movie screening of "Memoirs of a Geisha" this friday. Tickets are selling at $50, $150 and $200. You can contact me ASAP if you wish to supports us in this event. Thank you.

Happy New Year.

2006-01-05T12:49:00.000+08:00

heh yeah I know I'm about 5 days late but happy new year to all anyway and hope this year, new miracles and life can only get better for you guys.

Celebration was quite MEMORABLE. Kenley and I almost past the new year in a BUS. haha.. we were only our way to the Esplanade to catch the fireworks..Kenley wanted to see that very much cos it was really magnificent and beautiful (according to him) and so I was quite interested to catch that too. While on the bus still, with NO TV mobile (how sway can we get?!) I was quite upset when it was nearing 12 (such moments mean quite a bit to me) and Kenley couldn't take my whining (haha.. and I think I looked in quite a bad shape) and got us out of the bus wherevere we were (PS that is) just 3 mins before countdown. We were just walking about less than 10 steps and we could hear the surrounding people starting to cheer. Then I was like, 'Oh great! Happy new year! OK we can go back on our way to Esplanade again..' haha. But we manage to catch the fireworks from a distance while we walked from PS to Esplanade. Wha.. damn crowded man. We manage to walk all the way to the river, just the two of us.. quite tiring.. the both of us were tired to start off with.. But we succumbed to our physiological demands and took the train home. hah. We both were gone the moment we reached home. At least we caught the fireworks.

After the new year's day, I was obviously busy with lots of stuff like trainings, parties, module bidding, trainings, module biddings and trainings and module biddings.

So far, i've only got ONE module.. yeah, after all that, i've only managed to get ONE .. it's already round 2B.. I'm not getting the modules that I want just cos I've not enough of the bidding points to start off with. People think that this bidding system is fair, cos depending on how much you want that module, you put that amount of bid points that you can afford. But you see, if you have not enough points cos you used them for various modules on the previous semesters. It's like, why should a student be deprived of the modules that interest him/her so much, AND, which, by the way, are of paramount importance in future studies should that student want to further in that particular major?

Yes I'm talking about my situation. Currently I can't get two particular modules that are really useful and good for my future studies in psychology and I can't get them just because of this rigid, stringent system of numerics, coated with a layer of the code of conduct as cultivated in the academic society in this country of being, what we call 'kiasu' (afraid to lose)... so basically, whoever spoils the market first, wins. And those who truthfully want that certain module but can't afford it, lose out.

Now i'm just waiting for next week to come cos it's the week of 'trial' where students go for the first lecture of their modules and can decide to drop it if they do not want it. So yeah, I'm hopeful.

Arghh.. It's just so exasperating. So frustrating. So (as usual) stressful.

Maybe there's no need to be so hard-up on this after all. Maybe I can get it by appealing. There's always CORShelp. There's always the hotline. There's always emails. There's always the sincere effort to go down personally to ask.

Yea so I've got options. Best thing is, I think I'm not gonna stay for honours. I wanna graduate. People might say, 'goodness, why the hurry to start work? why not get that title?' For me, I've got my reasons, I guess. Yea it used to be my dream of having that '(Hons)' at the back of my 'B.Soc.Sci. Psychology'. But if I'm aiming for something higher, this '(Hons)' shouldn't matter.. It's like, if I'm gonna get an A' Level certificate in the end, the O' Level cert might not be necessary anymore. And *poof* schools like RGS and ACS(I) - ('I' that stands for 'International') - have a separate program for students who proceed straight to doing their A's.

I dunno if that's a good analogy, but you see my point. I HAVE to attain a higher degree in order to practice Psychology in S'pore. Since I know I already can't make it for both first and second upper class in honours, I'm not gonna waste any time. I'm not really hard up with the extra inital salary that I can command plainly with a honour's degree. It's merely about $200-$300 difference compared to a non-honour's grad. If I spend that one year pursuing my honour's degree working, I think I can earn more in one year than when the honour's grad comes out.

No hard feelings but this is just my plan. Of course, getting an honour's degree is best - it's our only chance! But looking at my chances and my options, I think this is my possible route. No confirms yet, just thinking .. thinking quite seriously..

it's not fair.

2005-12-28T15:25:00.000+08:00

how can I ever trust you to do anything again.
how could you EVEN do this?! That thing meant a lot to me.. especially when it was from some people who are very dear to me.

I should have checked. I knew it.

And now, you 'accidentally' threw it away.

Of course, you're not to blame entirely..I'm at fault too. My mum told me to check them before throwing them all away.. I was tired that night.. thought could do it all the next morning..so left it as it is -- where i REMEMBERED WHERE IT ALL WAS.

Now it's gone. For real.

sigh.

Merry Christmas!!

2005-12-25T23:27:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone!!
Just wanna wish all readers a very blessed Christmas and a great 2006 ahead!

It's been really tiring for me man..I performed at church last night in the choir.. think i was a tad bit too shiny in my shawl.. was actually the one Kenley gave me from HK! everyone liked it! =) then we had friends who came over to my place after that and we played taboo all night.. wah damn tired laughing and screaming the answers - mostly spastic answers.. haha.. opened presents at 2 am and slept at 3am. Had to wake up at 8am for choir performance again at church today --was real DRAINED! so drained that my right leg couldn't hold me (geez..) then it hurts at my knee!! couldn't walk properly cos of that and cos I was simply zombie-fied lah. then 'promped' on my bed immediately after service till about 4, then went to sam and alicia's for tea and play with baby ian! then came home for dinner, relatives came over. now i'm here, slopped in front of my tv watching Sweet Home Alabama and trying to book tickets for tmr aftn for my family to watch Narnia.. argh.. just remembered i've got trg tmr morning.. arggh...

oh yeah did i mention?

2005-12-21T23:44:00.000+08:00

I got picked up by some modelling agency about 3 days ago while walking in town. They want me to be in either FHM or Maxim (or is that how you spell it? max-xeem). I just gave my no. for other mags or commercials lah. But I told him no for FHM. dun think I should be featured in that lah. just dun feel right.

the presents are under the tree!

2005-12-20T14:34:00.000+08:00

YAY!! I can already feel the Christmas mood coming!! once i see presents under the tree, the feeling just gushes right into me and i get that warm and fuzzy feeling all over again!! I'm so excited whenever i've got gifts for all my loved ones.. I love the feeling of giving something to someone cos then it makes their day, and (yes as cliche as it sounds) it makes MY day too.. I like to see that I can make them happy..especially this time of the year..

I've got gifts for everyone in this household - no one's left out! - not even the girlfriend (let alone my boyfriend - ah this one got TWO gifts ah! but a there's a twist to it, which i would tell AFTER Christmas! heehee) is left out, and not forgetting my dear helper of the house! She was so shocked that in her Indonesian accent, she literally exclaimed so loudly, 'FR ME??!! ... ReALLY??' then i could just hear the wide beam on her face as she saw her gift laid nicely wrapped under our tree. It just makes me feel so happy inside when I made someone feel special, someone feel .. not-forgotten.

the pic above are my presents for (from L-R) Kenley (#1), kenley (#2), Mad (floor), Nati (standing) and Dad and mum. Gor gor's and Sam's are fragile and therefore are upstairs in my room.. they're huge too.. i dun dare to bring downstairs..

Yesterday, Kenley and I were at IKEA buying stuff, we met Ker Wei (current national guy's waterpolo goalkeeper), Mr Matthew Tan (current one-of-the-big-shots in the Singapore Waterpolo Federation) and Melvin Seet (one of the best goalkeepers I've ever known - also known as The Wall). Kenley said that we met 3 Waterpolo Greats at IKEA man.. then he corrected himself and said, 'No, 4. Me'.

You could literally hear my eyeballs rolling in my sockets.

haha.. but anyway, jokes aside, I was glad to have met up with the last guy..not heard or seen him ever waterpolo IVP. He has slimmed down a lot man.. aiyoh.. so sad for such a talented person to retire so fast.. I know he probably didn't go national team, not because he couldn't make it (which I doubt so..he's DAMN GOOD!) but i guess.. maybe it was politics or something i dunno... but wasted lah.. it could be nice to have one of the SEA Games Gold Medals in ur pocket for memory..

Wha this year.. i think i've spent about $300-$400 this month alone.. including food and transport lah.. but still, it's almost how much I earn every month man.. I've been saving just to buy good gifts for all..and I did it! =) so happy happy happy....

polo trgs, Christmas shopping and more polo trgs.

2005-12-16T23:51:00.000+08:00

I've not been blogging for about a week or two now.. yes the Christmas tree is finally up..not exactly decorated to its fullest but..by Christmas Eve should be there already lah..

This whole week I've been at polo trainings every morning and night.. monday was night training..not so bad..lots of swimming tho.. tues-fri onwards had 6.15-8am training at Toa Payoh.. heh..and I actually went for ALL morning trainings..together with Ade, Net and Jac..we were the 4 consistent ones every morning.. it was mostly swimming and swimming with ball too.. wha i must tell you what an ordeal I've got with swimming-with-ball sets. Firstly, you gotta try to control the ball (for those non-players, this is like swimming the free style but this time, you're 'dribbling' a polo ball in front of ur head) and by controlling the ball means either kicking really fast and pulling short and fast strokes with ur arms... OR .. you could use ur forearms to push it from side to side if it sways. I, the lousy swimmer, took the latter method of course.. was too tired to swim fast and do those short strokes. SO..as a result, my right fore arm (where you've got ur bone from ur elbow to ur wrist) is red and rough -- it's bruised. I've been using it to knock the ball (that kept drifting to my right side, hence using the right hand to swerve it back) and I think there's a slight abrasion. sigh.

Before that, my injury #1 was my right arm - I couldn't even pass a ball. Have been going for physio for three days straight (oh yeah, Eunice, I saw you leading ur children's camp over at the Kallang Mac's! wanted to say hi but you entered the kitchen of Mac's and had to bring the children behind the counter for their tour.. so i left lah..) anyway, my physio therapist is really good..and nice! she really knows how to fix the problem exactly by testing where it hurt judging from my limited movements. oh yeah, i went into the whirl pool too.. supposed to enter a super cold one (15 degrees C) for 3 mins, then quickly change over to a HOT tub (about 37 deg C) for another 3 mins. and then you change over and this repeats for 6 times. 18mins in all. haha.. obviously the lousy me made a LOTT of noise when i entered the cold one (I couldn't even breathe man!!) then when i went into the hot one, it 'stung' my skin at first, but then after that i didn't want to get out.. haha so they said i could stay in the hot one for the rest of 10 mins. haha.. i loser lah.. this is supposed to be good to remove the lactic acid from my vessels (cos of all that constrictions and dilations.. ) especially when i'm aching all over and am super tired.. I'm planning to go again and do the full 6 changes next time..

anyway, oops.. sorry went a bit side tracked.. yeah so that's my injury #1. injury #2 is actually all that muscle ache around my shoulder joints (you know when you try to do push up..those muscles near ur armpit..yeah..damn pain)..i couldn't even lift my L/R arms up and sleep. went for Sport Massage for that and it helped a lot. Injury #3 would be my arm now...all red and sore.. and soon, by next week before Christmas, injury #4 would be heart -- heart pain from spending too much money.. heh.. yeah i should be controlling too lah.. need to save up for Commonwealth.....!!!

Oh YEAH.. ARghhhh.. we STILL haven't got any sponsors for our Commonwealth Games!!! sigh.. but TeamSingapore said they might help out a bit. But chances are, don't think we can get the full subsidy.. oh well, if they could help us pay about half i'll be grateful already. aye, it's a LOT of money lor.. sigh.

okok .. I think i should stop complaining.. aiyoh.. I think my bf read also sian already.. in reality complain, here in cyber-reality also complain.. tsk tsk.. what kind of gf am i man..

K lah.. I a 'bit' tired now.. (yah from all that swimming plus with ball, plus saving about.. 50 balls tonight? no.. not tired at all.. ) i wanna catch up with my sleep.. YAY! tmr dun need to wake up so early!! it's a Saturday!!.. good good. ... aiyoh but then got coaching then got waterpolo match at tp then.....

guess it'll never end huh. Can't wait for Christmas..anyhow. =)

what's with Friendster..

2005-12-09T09:53:00.000+08:00

argh.. i can't seem to be able to view who's viewed me on Friendster.. haha.. that's quite pathetic.. aiyah.. just damn bored these days lah.. i've gone through every function in Friendster.. see my friends and their pics, read their testimonials, updated my pictures, changed my captions.. what else can i do on friendster? oh yeah, i just submitted a question on how come I couldn't view who viewed me.

anyway, I've finally bought the Christmas tree. It still looks kinda bare in my hall.. like my Dad said, a Christmas tree reflects the attitude/enthusiasm of its caretakers... he was just saying .. you go into any shop in town..the amount of decorations on the tree in that shop reflects how much effort the shop keepers bothered to go decorate it right.. or you just come into my room.. the mess tells a story.

hmm.. yeah maybe i should start packing my room.. maybe i should start grooming my dogs on a daily basis.. (i love Rufus' hair.. so soft and smooth..FAR better than any soft toy/pillow)..maybe I should start doing my 3 sets of 4x10 counches + 4 sets of 10x2 push-ups (start slow first lah ah.. dowan to break any ligaments/limbs..) . it's high time i better get back to shape! That day I went for a polo game.. I was TOTALLY out of shape man!! I couldn't jump high enough, I wasn't fast enough, I DUCKED from balls -- that's NOT supposed to be the case for a goalKEEPER!.. sigh.. It's been 2 whole months since I trained .. thanks to 2 injuries and 5 exam papers. and now, geez, I'm a whole lot slower and (i think) 2 kg lighter (nope, not lost weight, it's previous muscles turned to FATS). hahah.. ok maybe i'm exaggerating.. but i just feel so.. so LOUSY now.. when i got into the pool and did sets, my gosh.. i was not only the slowest.. but super lathargic.. thank God for mental strength that pulled me through.

speaking of mental strength, I wanna do an attachment with the Sports Psychology Department of Singapore .. just sent an email to enquire.. oh yeah we still haven't got any news from the sponsors yet.. but now that the SEA Games people are back, should be getting something soon..

You're Beautiful

2005-12-09T09:23:00.000+08:00

hmm.... I have that song stuck in my head now.. .

er...can I buy that Christmas tree?

2005-12-07T10:27:00.000+08:00

It's 18 days to Christmas and my family hasn't even gotten a tree yet!! but I think we'll be going down to IKEA to buy one today..one of those REAL pine trees that exude that therapeutic fragrance .. really nice to wake up and go out of my room and greeted by the smell .. that was how it was the first time we bought a real tree, and that's how it was ever since.. can't wait!

How's everyone? (not like i'm speaking to a whole lot of people reading my blog...) but anyway, i feel as if the exams had torn me away from civilization that those 5 weeks of slogging it out in the library felt like 2 years.. i really hope i'll do better this sem.. I wanna graduate, yet also wanna do honours.. but if i can, I hope to do Masters.. but then again, do I REALLY need Masters to do what I want?? thing is, WHAT do i wanna do??

Yes some of you have heard that i'm interested in child and sports psychology.. i think i'm more interested in the latter. Pay may not be very good, i expect that. But I think, you know at the end of the day, I think it's HOW you make out of what you have that counts. If you are happy with a million bucks, good for you. If you can be happy with $3k a month, even better. I think, it's not what you have that makes one happy, it's actually HOW one can MAKE him/herself happy. yup.. was trying to avoid the cliche terms of 'Be contented with what you have' phrase.. but I think it's really true.

People, there's gonna be only two ways after death : Heaven or Hell. This is truth, whether you LIKE it, or NOT. And what's more, there's this thing called 'ETERNITY' after death. So, lesson of the day, you'll be spending eternity either in Heaven, or in Hell. Simple as that. Now why did I suddenly plunge into preachy-style all over? this is in relation to what I wanna do now! I mean, why slog it out trying to earn AS MUCH $$$ as I can, try to please the whole world, try to look better than other wearing the most trendy set of clothes, try to get to a more prestigious university, try to get a higher qualification, try to choose between a 2m Christmas tree or a 12 feet one...(ok that one was out of point).. but, sigh.. Why? what for? so i can live comfortably? to that I can gain 'respect'? k lah, yes, sometimes the world works like that - looking at the supericialities..the 'Give-them-what-the-world-wants-and-you-can-get-what-you-want' attitude. But I wanna thank God that this is not so when it comes to Judgement Day. Not to say that I'm super holy or even 'more' pure than others, I horrible - a sinner (yes, sorry some Christian jargons used.. but it's true) and it all boils down to HOW I lived my life that I'm judged by God.

haha.. took pretty long to get to my point right. but that's also for me to express my concern for some people i've seen doing all the above.. trying so hard to get all this... all this.. TEMPORAL stuff in this world.. how long can we all live? huh? average? 80 years? 90? sometimes if you're super healthy or what, 100 maybe? ok. so let's compare that to AFTER death = ETERNITY. Maths students: what's 100 divided by infinity? ...... *calculate?* aiyoh dun need to calculate lah.. everybody knows that ANYTHING divided by infinity is ZERO. That's right, NOTHING! our life here on earth wouldn't even be considered like a tiny SPECK of dust on our head.

Now that Christmas is coming, there're many mission trips scheduled to go overseas to spread the Gospel. I think that's the best give anyone can give - cos..it LASTS FOREVER. okok I'll stop the Christian talk .. some of you might have gotten gross all over already and probably even irritated with all this kind of talk.. but you see what i mean..sigh.. not that i wanna accuse or what, but I think non-believers are pretty much caught up with their own self-proclaimed philosophies in life, their own beliefs on how life could be determined by themselves, their 'hey-I-have-experienced-so-much-so-this-is-the-way' kind of attitude in life. When they're (either forgetting or) missing out on the TRUTH! it's so simple as just to accept Jesus Christ and believe in him.. but it's just so sad that they just DOUBT it.. sigh. it's a real loss..

Anyway, this Christmas, I hope the Word gets to more people out there. especially those who haven't even HEARD about Christ.

UPDATE on signs of End Times: Toxins have entered river in China. All water sources ceased. If anyone drinks, it's poison. How long till solved? Don't know. May take years. Toxicated may reach the sea and hence infect wildlife and surrounding countries.

my gosh. this time it's the huge country, China. the most densely populated country in Asia (and I'm not sure if it's also in the world.. forgot..) but.. yeah you get my point.

ok sorry to cut short (actually quite long aye..) I'm going off to buy Christmas tree now!

I'm BACK!!!

2005-12-05T01:26:00.000+08:00

finally ... after 4 days of walking all over Singapore at SYFC camp.. 16 km from yio chu kang all the way to chua chu kang on foot.. in the terrain... wha.. shiok ah.. as soon after i finished it.. the feeling was good... tho damn dead.

EXAMS ARE FINALLY OVER.. now i can TRUELY just lay back and enjoy myself. can't wait to bring my doggies to the beach ..at NIGHT (yeah.. poor huskies lah.. cannot 'sun' them too much)..(brought them to the dog run yesterday..but no doggies lah.. poor them..boring playground for them).
Can't wait to do some domestic work like.. WATCHING TV. haha.. no lah.. maybe bake some cookies (and fatten up kenley..if he dares to eat them..which he will..by no choice. =P) and cakes or brownies..
I also wanna go shopping -- WINDOW shopping, that is.. not enough money lah.. also need to save up for my commonwealth games next year.. sigh.. until now still no news on sponsorship.. *praying very hard for that!*
And yes.. gonna start TRAINING REALLY hard.. we're gonna have 6 am trainings soon!! plus night.. plus everyday.. woo hoo...

k it's a little late now.. was just happily surfing Friendster until now (still gonna go back there to loook at pics a bit more..) and it's 1.45 am.. supposed to meet kenley for movie tmr morning.. (haha.. see how desperate i am to let loose.. ) .. no lah.. supposed to be lunch ..cos i've got coaching.. (sigh.. yeah looks like i'm also busying myself up..). so i think i'll blog more another time..plus pics of dino and rufus!

tired...

2005-11-27T16:02:00.000+08:00

I'm damn bored of studying. it's so much.. bbrrEEghhh...
either that or i'm not studying it the right way.. not 'IN THE ZONE' as what Georene told me that day.. sigh.. i'm just so tired now.. it's a Sunday!! i wanna sleeeppppp.......

HAH. California Fitness.. tsk tsk..

2005-11-23T11:16:00.000+08:00

I'm actually NOT 36.2% of body fat.. I took my real fat content this time with the ELECTRONIC device at my country club... it's so far off.. heh. will not say it either.. haha but it's within VERY acceptable range.. haha.. i mean.. 35% is like .. a LOT for a female.. i wun say like who lah.. but you know, just imagine a really, REALLY FAT girl lah.. cos it's considered REALLY high above 30% (can you imagine? like one THIRD of your whole body is pure fat!!) but anyway, tsk tsk.. i think it's really unethical of California fitness to say such things about me.. cos right after that they were like..'oh, you know we've now got a promotion for membership this month...' hah. they asked me whether i was interested to listen to it. 'NO,' I snapped. haha.. quite sadistic..

anyway i recently took really cute pics of Rufus... so cute...

ahh!!! sigh.

2005-11-21T13:51:00.000+08:00

WHA. I need a break man.. those words from my text don't seem to be entering my brain.. instead i'm thinking of stuff like.. what should i do for Christmas? what should i get xx for Christmas? or.. when and how should I bring Dino and Rufus out? i wanna bring them to sentosa.. but must be late in the afternoon when there's no sun.. i also wanna bring them to the dog run.. but there i scared got all those ticks.. i also wanna bring them to dog shows.. but that means i gotta drive all the way down to expo there and fight for the free parking space in that's in the hot sun.. haha.. unnecessary worries..

I've got three more days to my next paper. Kenley's got three more days to the end of his exams. Brerrghhh..

hey guys you know what? I think we're going for COMMONWEALTH GAMES 2006!!! Heard about it.. BUT.. we've got no sponsers.. I'm praying hard for it.. so dumb right... S'pore say we can go as a Singapore contingent but not gonna pay for us.. see lah.. want to promote sports but dowan to subsidise a national team representing in international games. Heard got some other sports also kena liddat.. tsk tsk.

but anyway, I'm praying that teamSingapore would sponsor us...if not everything, at least for the flight tix and accomodation. It's damn ex lar.. $1500+ per person.. 16 of us.. it's a hell lot of hotdogs to sell if we resort to fund-raising..

I just popped over the table where Ching Yong's studying too.. he's reading that unforgivingly thick, hard-cover, details-all-over-the-place Personality Psychology text book now.. my gosh.. i'm damn bored. studying has gone back to becoming a chore.. have i lost steam already?!?! oh no!

I wanna play with Dino and Rufus.. they're so cute.. there was once i was eating Sushi.. then Rufus saw me, got up from his lazy position and sit neatly infront of me. I see him liddat also heart-soft already so gave him a bit. He obviously loved it (aiyah Rufus likes everything). then Dino realises something's going on and comes over.. I gave him a bit too.. when i turned back into the kitchen to get another maki for myself, i came back only to see the both of them - Rufus seated and Dino standing next to him - looking at me with their mouths closed (but ready to catch any flying objects) and their TAILS were wagging in UNISON!! you should have seen it!! they were damn cute!! Left, right, left, right... then when i pinched off a sushi with my right hand and raised it high (as if i'm gonna toss it soon), their tails paused in their pendulous dance and BOTH were ready to pounce.. aiyah.. lucky they didn't fight over the food lah.. cos both knew i'm so nice to give more sushi again.. heh.. which i did.

okok.. i think enough of blogging for the day.. sorry no pics.. now using Georene's com cos she went for her paper leaving her laptop to my jaga-ing.. Seeing Ching yong at the corner of my eye - HIS eyes never leaving his textbook and feverishly underlining stuff in his text.. it's giving me the due pressure now..

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD...

2005-11-17T17:29:00.000+08:00

wha.. this is the first time in a long time when i'm mentally exhausted man.. (i mean.. like..since when i ever used my brain right.) i've been here since 8.30 again .. and plan to stay till 9.45pm. Quantity's not it, people say, quality is.. sigh. i tried quality after lunch - slept. dunno why i'm damn tired these few days!! yesterday lagi worse, WHOLE morning only managed to do ONE chapter -- damn slow lah! so thought could redeem myself after lunch... yup you guess it - I slept. was just damn tired.. couldn't concentrate when i saw another set of readings..everything just slowly becomes a blurr...the buzzing noise of everyone walking around the lib would be a drone.. the slowly..my vision becomes smaller..darker....gone.

Today wasn't that bad.. still can do a few chapters and manage to finish revising for my paper tmr.. now it's 5.30 .. i feel as if there's no more to study.. i feel like watching a movie!! heard Harry Potter's out.. i wanna catch that!! haiyoh.. maybe i should also swim a bit.. it's been a very LONG time since i swam..eversince my injuriesSS - elbow and back. sigh. now, i feel fat (have 36.2% of body fat - as so claims California Fitness), i'm mentally exhausted, my right leg seems to be in pain, i'm not exactly hungry..but i still am.. gosh. i wanna talk also cannot talk..there's nothing else to do but STUDY!!! it sucks man..

P.S. oh yea, thanks, Shu Ling, for the few episodes of Simpsons!! but i need my cd drive, which is at home..

i wanna play with Dino and Rufus!!

I can't wait for Christmas!! Dear, i wanna go Christmas shopping!! writing Christmas cards, going to town.. argh.. i can't wait for exams to be over!! it's just so much work!!

ever seen a jealous dog?

2005-11-15T23:59:00.000+08:00

Rufus has warmed up to my family SO MUCH.. now whenever we call his name, his ears will go down, his naturally-curved tail would take shape and he'll walk to us as he tries to smell us in the process... then if you hug him tight, he'll slowly sit down, then go down.. then.. he turns on his back wanting you to rub his tummy!! aiyohh... then we'll all go 'AWwwwW!!'....

BUT...

"HoOOoooWWll!!!" "GrrRRrrrghh.. ARRGH!!" oops. that's the voice of the original owner of that territory.. eeps.. then when Rufus and Dino's eyes met, they GROWLED at each other!! bearing their ferocious teeth!!! Dino was hardly so fierce!! and Rufus is a naturally tehhh doggie too.. hiayoh!!

everyone has hardly spent time with Dino darling firstly cos we all wanna make new Rufus to be happy at our home, secondly, Dino has been sick and can't move much.. so we also dowan him to excert, should he suddenly slip and then sprain his legs or smth!! he's been eating his medicine and the 'Buff' food... but not finishing it.. sigh.. Dino Dino darling...

so after he made noise, I went to him lah.. stroked him, hugged him.. then i did that more often.. but he now bo chap mE! (i deserve that..) but paid more attention to his bone-toy -- something that won't run away from him... haiyoh... i promise i will give equal attention to both dogs... i promise... but after a while, he really misses my hugs and squeezes.. so he's still happy with me.. just really hostile when Rufus peeps over my shoulder to check him out.. gosh they almost fought 2 feet in front of my face..

this is a pic of Dino when his eye had problems again (sigh.. why suddenly so many problems?!??!).. notice his right eye (left in pic) is darker than his left? .. yeah.. that time his right pupil was so LARGE .. so black.. gave me a shock when i saw that.. called the doc said might be a side effect of the medicine.. i stopped it. he's back to normal now.. will never use that medicine again..

sparced.

2005-11-14T16:11:00.000+08:00

wha i'm damn tired man.. and it's only day one of my study-hideously-at-full-steam saga for the impending exams. i've been in central lib since 8.35am today and now it's 4pm. my brain has rejected any forth-coming information. I resorted to Simpsons online - couldn't work. Happy tree friends - too gruesome. now as i listen to Corrinne May crooning in my ear from my 6-yr-old cd player, everything just seem to stand still. i can't go home now cos got coaching. can't go for coaching cos it's too early. i'm in the middle, the twlight, in a transitory stage. i'm not making sense.

Memorable moments on my b'day..

2005-11-13T15:49:00.000+08:00

My favorite dessert- my Mama's love in her home-made fruit tarts - from scratch!

I'm happy. Praise God.
(gosh i look quite flustered..tiring man, the party)

One of my b'day gifts -this one's from Samuel and Alicia!
(I look quite flustered again - this was at the end of the party..)

My b'day photos!! - a few from the 50+ taken..

2005-11-13T15:32:00.000+08:00

the supposed effect at night at the garden

The garden where party took place

ex-ACJC swimmers

The choc cake that all will remember..

Church friends

My b'day photos!!

2005-11-13T15:27:00.000+08:00

Friends from NUS

Hatan

2005-11-12T00:17:00.000+08:00

doesn't he just look so majestic?..

i hope dino gets pumped up and be like Hatan!

2005-11-12T00:15:00.000+08:00

Hatan and my bro

apparently Dino has problems walking partly cos he's so skinny. Doc gave him supplements to grow buff.. hopefully like Hatan over here!

Poor Dino at the vet

2005-11-12T00:12:00.000+08:00

...and RUFUS is my name!!

2005-11-12T00:10:00.000+08:00

ok i give up. i've tried to upload my photos and wrote quite a lot of stuff about my dogs. i think i'll just put up the pics. this is Rufus, my new doggie - husky..

2005-11-08T16:38:00.000+08:00

It's my 21st birthday today!!!

... just wanted to write that..for the record.. hee. i haven't exactly gotten the pics from my bro yet.. soon soon.. everyone looked good that night! thanks for cooperating! =)

More things--up and coming!!

2005-11-04T08:03:00.000+08:00

there's the bridge!! it's finally ready!
and that's the garden! ready for the garden party! NOW i'm excited! I don't care what's gonna happen... the Lord's gonna make it work for me!! Praise the Lord, Almighty!!!

my very own Survivor in the OUT-at-the-BACK

2005-11-03T12:12:00.000+08:00

6 table torches (smaller ones), 7 5-ft torches, 2 6-ft , 2 3-ft and 2 2-ft torches. Let there be light!!

the Garden's ready!!

2005-11-03T11:59:00.000+08:00

I'm so excited...huh?

2005-10-30T22:28:00.000+08:00

my birthday's coming!!
not that i can't wait.. but.. i dunno why but i don't really seem excited for it to come. i don't know why but I seem more SCARED than excited for my birthday. Maybe cos i've got too many expectations about it..and worried about what's the worse that could happen.. like .. will it rain (it's sort of an outdoor dinner)? will people turn up? will they enjoy themselves? will they be happy with the way i programmed the party? will they cooperate and dress nicely (according to the dress theme..)and make me happy? will they complain about certain details about my party demands? will i look fat in my birthday dress? will SOMETHING JUST GO WRONG???

sigh.. I don't know.. there was one point in time when i REALLY didn't want a party at all. But my family and Kenley encouraged me to have it - it's a once in a lifetime thing! so.. i was like.. yeah .. i think i WANT this party.. but.. i think i can only pull through that by the grace of God..

Now i've got 2 more reports to do and I'm just so stressed cos .. there's just so much to do! Sigh..
I don't know but i just feel so frustrated now..

Wha. Finally.

2005-10-28T15:40:00.000+08:00

I just finished 1 out of my 3 reports for this sem. It was HORRENDOUSLY stressful. the MOST stressful one out of the 3 I can foresee. now that it's over, i've submitted it.. i suddenly feel as if exams are over.

now am in the library.. dreaming about my birthday party coming up .. planning next week and how i need to settle my other two reports.. getting the appeal for sports awards nominations settled... hmm.. it seems like all's well! must really thank God.. maybe also cos the psych report is done.. everything looks so good.. heh.. i've got a sad life!

aiyoh .. but there's nothing sadder now for me than for my little Dino.. His eye got an infection, and according to the doctor, some small grains like pollen (cos he always brush his face along the bushes when i walk him) or dust might have gotten in and he scratches it, causing a cut in his cornea.. goodness.. i hear already also damn heart pain ah.. it got so bad that one night he couldn't even OPEN his right eye. I sent him straight to the vet first thing the next morning.

now he's much better! thank God! and it has only been 3 days.. the vet expected 10 days.. thank God! haha.. then the doc made him wear this collar that looks like a lampshade. but i thought quite pretty aye... like what Little Bo-Peep would wear..

2005-10-24T11:00:00.000+08:00

I'm sick again. bleah.

2005-10-19T23:56:00.000+08:00

"For I know the plans I have for you
Plans to prosper you and not to harm you
Plans to give you hope and a future."

- God.

What a promise. Such comfort. Hard to believe? Yeah. best thing: IT'S TRUE, and, IT'S FREE. "Huh?? then why am i going through so much suffering? why is my life in such a mess? why are there so many catastrophies in the world?" why this?? why that???? .....

If there were no suffering, would you feel/know when is happiness in your life? ..... If there were no more sickness, would you ever notice God's miracles?..... If there were no sadness, would you ever feel God's grace and comfort?..... If life were smooth-sailing, would God be needed anymore? ..... If you could do everything and anything by yourself, would God ever be GOD anymore?

The Bible predicts of trials and sufferings .. especially when it's near the End Times. You might have heard of 'Rapture', 'Second coming', 'Armaggadon' (oops is that how you spell it..) and 'Judgment Day' just to name a few. Now, we're just getting started..the 'tip of the ice-berg'. Every year ever since 2001, there's been so many disasters - whether man-made or natural. Guess what, the Bible predicts of even worse ones to come.

I've got my fair share of problems and trials. I've been heart-broken dunno how many times...by all my various crushes for example (haha.. ). I've be disappointed by my close ones and myself (definitely). I've had seen people come and go.. There're many things in life that each teach me something. I'm 20. Soon to be 21. Damn young. Still have lots to learn. Each trial helps me grow one notch. I can hear God's soft, gentle prompting to lead me where I'm supposed to go. It's soft and gentle - that's why sometimes I miss it and end up going the wrong way. Thank God, He catches me at the right moment and steers me back.

This is what I call grace. By God's amazing grace, we are saved, we have HOPE, even in the super-darkest hour - something sometimes non-Christians can't grasp. By this, we can get through all these trails, all these sufferings, all these unhappiness happening around us. Just hang in there.

If You Didn't Love Me

2005-10-13T00:15:00.000+08:00

If every drop of water disappeared from the land

And every drop of ocean suddenly turned to sand
That would all be nothing
Compared to what I'd feel
If you didn't love me

What if I woke up and couldn't hear a sound
And all that I could see was darkness all around
That would still be nothing
Compared to what I'd feel
If you didn't love me

If I could have the world and all that money could buy
And I could travel far beyond the moon and the sky
If they gave me golden wings,
Well I still couldn't fly
Without you, nothing would matter

You and I walk beside each other day after day
But there's so much inside me
I never get to say
My life would be so empty
With nothing left to feel
If you didn't love me

If you didn't love me...

hmm..

2005-10-12T17:46:00.000+08:00

My fingers are frozen. My neck's aching. My eyes are tired and my brain's no longer working.

That's what 5 exhaustive hours in the proverbial central library has done to me this afternoon. Needed to do research for articles for my reports and catch up on my readings - those hours of coaching/tuition are really taking up quite a bit of time! It's in times like these when i just wonder what my peers are doing - have they been studying? how much are they ahead of me? or rather, how far BEHIND am I?? sigh. having countless cummulative commitments filling up my schedule tends to make me forget what my main job is - a STUDENT.

oh yah, i just bought Corrinne May's 1st album!!

Am going for waterpolo later.. sigh.. my elbow is wrecked from one trg session.. am in physiotherapy sessions now and it's working quite a bit considering the amount of help all those icing and ultrasound systems are giving me.. so i'm basically going for training session where my coach may not be there, and where less than half the team might turn up and where I can't even do what i'm supposed to do (goalkeeping) cos of my elbow. So basically i'm just going for the sake of my OWN fitness. Who in the WORLD will care about that? aiyoh i feel like having those Fried Mars Bars at Far East Plaza now.. ....dear i bet you wanna join me right!!

Happy Birthday, Daddy.

2005-10-05T14:03:00.000+08:00

Don't worry about that extra line that's creeping up upon your face
It's just a part of nature's way to say you've grown a little more
Trees have rings and thicker branches
Kids shoes get a little tighter
Every year we're getting closer to who we're gonna be
It's time to celebrate the story of how you've come to be

Happy birthday, my friend
Here's to all the years we've shared together
All the fun we've had
You're such a blessing
Such a joy in my life
May the good Lord bless you
And may all your dreams come true
- Corrinne May

That's the song that my dad said he heard the moment he swiched on the car yesterday. We celebrated my dad's birthday last night at RSYC. However, my dad insisted that last night was more of a thanksgiving that my brother and his fiance are back safely from Bali cos on that fateful saturday night, they, and a bunch of friends, were eating at the restuaurant facing Jimbaran Beach. The 1st bomb exploded about 15-20m from them. At first, everyone thought it was a gas leak, so not many reacted dramatically. But hey, they use coconut husks as fuel -- what gas?? Before they knew it, the 2nd bomb exploded 30 seconds later just 5m further down from the first bomb, slightly further away. EVERYONE ran. Madelaine had already tried to pull gor gor as soon as the first one exploded but he didn't really budge, but he very well DID when the second one went off and they headed for the waters. When they called back to tell us folks back home that they were safe, little did we know that they were actually calling us while standing knee deep in the sea water!

IT was quite a reality shock for them - and us - that disaster can strike so suddenly and .. oh man.. we almost lost my BROTHER THERE!!! That's why, during my dad's birthday dinner last night, he insisted that it was more of a thanksgiving for their safely, evidence of God's protection. God has a plan, and His plan for my brother and friends didn't end that night.

Anyway, it was an experience for one and all to learn to cherish all ur loved ones.. cos you really never know when stuff like this strikes.. argh.. saying it gives me the creeps..

(I was surfing the net out of curiosity whether Kenley really looked like Chee Soon Juan. And it was unfortunately true.. This is actually the pic of the nemesis Dr Chee Soon Juan that i found from the web! heh.. )

Everything in its time.

2005-10-02T18:16:00.000+08:00

The nightsky one evening outside my place.

Sometimes i wonder what lies ahead, how long till my hunger is fed. They say it's hard to make it in this part of town, so many people on this merry-go-round.

Some folks try astrology, some turn to crystal balls, to find an answer, to get through it all. I just fall on my knees and i try to pray in the silence I can hear Him say..

The river runs and the river hides out to the ocean and under the sky. I promise you, the answer will come. Hold on to ur patience and watch for the sign. Everything in its time.

I often feel like i'm two steps behind. Somebody must have moved that finish line. There are a thousand reasons why i should give up. But i'm stubborn in the things I believe.

The river runs and the river hides out to the ocean and under the sky. I promise you, the answer will come. Hold on to ur patience and watch for the sign. Everything in its time.

'Cause maybe there's another plan, one that I still can't see. A little surprise, like you love in my life. Funny how time changes how we see.

'Cos the river runs...
And the river hides...
Out to the ocean and under the sky.
I PROMISE you, the answer will come.
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign.
Everything in its time.
Everything in its time.....................

- Corrinne May.

thoughts..

2005-10-01T19:56:00.000+08:00

Carl's Junior gave me and Kenley a good treat last night - I bought Famous Star (which i think is the most worth it burger.. it's HUGE and super cheap compare to the other burgers! about $4 plus!) then Kenley bought a meal so we shared the drink since it was free flow.. heh. After which we had Anderson's Ice Cream.. mmm.. shiok! had a sundae with mocha almond fudge, hazelnut rocher (with the 'ferrerer rocher' chocolate!) and Danish Nougat - VERY NICE combination! hmmmm...

Heh. I'm taking Able's advice on the colours of my blog.. is it working? thought maybe this might aid reading and where you've stopped since my blogs are sometimes kinda lonnggg... hee sorry.. sometimes i just get carried away and can't seem to stop rattling..

I'm currently listening to Corrinne May and .. I just LOVE her voice.. it sounds quite soothing and controlled.. and the lyrics.. sometimes it's just a story..sometimes it's an expression of gratitude, sometims a lamentation, sometimes about hope. the best thing is, she's a Christian. Some of her songs are referring to God - this makes it even more meaningful.. and not like those soapy love songs on the radio these days.. saying stuff like.. 'oh baby.. i want you back.. if only i can change what i did., you're gone now..' blah blah.. aiyoh.. i hear also heart pain. Anyway, I've got Kenley's CD .. but i'll be getting my own! when i have the money to spare.. sigh.

Oh today I just got a student for piano! My first piano student - private session.. I kinda have got some experience from teaching music in schools the past two years - in primary and secondary school.. so i'll try my best.. (Yes anonymous.. THIS time, I'll really be TEACHING something. Believe it or not.) In fact, i just realised.. i'm very much a teacher.. I coach swimming, I give tuition to a couple of my cousins and now.. i'm to be a piano teacher! yikes! i'm actually venturing into the life that i dun really intend to take up.. haha.. but then.. i'm enjoying it leh.. hmm.. i'll think about it..

Today was IFG and it was quite an experience. We had a bad feeling that Arts would lose out this round cos of a Jac in Business.. heh.. we were right.. Jac did a good job man.. scooping all the golds that she so deserve.. while i.. was eating her bubbles most of the time.. haha.. getting second for all my individual events.. haiyah..i'm always so near yet so far.. like lifesaving also.. this year was my first competition and got 4th for all my events. HAHA. Dui lah.. heh. but nvm..they were fun.. and that's what i look for.. heh. Anyway, overall girls went to Business and Arts got 1st runner up.. while our guys got 1st runner up too, Arts got the OVERALL champ! heh.. that's more impt.. Sulynn and I are quite happy.. considering the circumstances we had.. (lack of swimmers etc..).

I couldn't sleep last night so I started thinking on how to plan for my birthday party. Was thinking of having it at my place - more... homely.. haha.. nah.. it gives me a better feeling i guess.. I've had quite a bit of plans.. but i dun intend to say it here.. it'll be a surprise! (just how i like it. =) )

Gonna be singing tmr at church.. the same solo song again.. My church pastors and those who went for that performance that night said that it was a waste if we performed only once and not the whole church had attended it (cos it was on a saturday instead of normal service day on Sunday). So they suggested we perform some songs during service tmr..

hmm.. I like singing.. in fact.. I LOVE singing.. Last night i also thought how it would be like if I were to sing at restaurants like maybe Wala-Wala.. or hotels with live bands.. that'll be so nice.. love the music and all that goes with it.. it just feels so good.. you know.. like dancing.. especially when dancing to a good song that really gets you.. you just feel so.. shiok! yeah.. I actually considered maybe singing at Wala-Wala! imagining me asking the manager how much it is to join.. or asking one of the band members whether i could join them or something.. haiyoh.. then again, it'll be long term.. and i've already got so many committments.. sighh.. I did think of joining Singapore Idol (yucks..) but nehhh.. it's not my type.. my dad asked me, 'who're you trying to prove?' that kinda got me..anyway what if i make a boo boo on national tv? what if i make it all the way then i lose at the last round? what are my intentions? and besides, i dun need the money, let along the fame and whatever that tags along.. it'll just be a competition and I dun wanna put myself on the line..

Anyway, my back's aching.. i've got some family members over tonight to celebrate my dad's b'day, which is in a few days.. My elder bro just called back from Bali and told us there had been an explosion there..just to let us know that he and mad and their friends are alright.. Man.. God protect them..

To the anonymous commenter on 'what a life!' post.

2005-09-29T12:46:00.000+08:00

This was what he/she commented:

Anonymous said...
WOAH?!?! ARE YOU SERIOUSLY IN UNIVERSITY OR WHAT??? If being an education facilitator is simply adopting a "scary look", pedagogy wouldn't exist...SO PLEASE, don't have the false idea that teaching is something GOD can simply breathe into you while you're desperately praying. While there are pple spending 4 years in uni to acquire basic KNOWLEDGE of edcation and many years of practicum, FOUR days is an insult and a mockery (on you!). PLEASE la huh.

--------------------------------------------------------

HAha! Wha I took quite some time to think how to put this nicely for you.. OK, firstly, I would like to apologise for ANY offence that I might have inflicted on you. Secondly, all I ask of you now is to read on till the end.

OK just to clear things up, have you ever been a RELIEF teacher before? not a teacher, but one that's temporary, not for 3 months, but yeap, a mere 4 DAYS?

Imagine you were in my position: the class knows that you won't be around for long (so they know you can't teach much), plus they know you've not much experience in the teaching career (hence the naughty ones are inclined to bully you, esp if you're a female). My job over there was not merely to teach, but more on MAINTAINING the DISCIPLINE of the class (sometimes I didn't even teach a thing from the syllabus). Thus I adopted the "scary look" and it worked lah. It was just to get their attention, a STYLE (not method) of teaching (I'm sure you know the difference).

So that being said, I'll like to give you the benefit of the doubt that you would like to take back what you said implying that I know nuts about teaching, because then, you would have totally missed the point (you should read things in their respective CONTEXT, and not just pin-point on the nitty-gritty alone).

Lastly, to end off - the 'God' part. Now, you know you've touched dangerous waters here so here's what I've to say in defence of my faith. Obviously, you don't know much about the Christian faith - how powerful prayer is. I won't say that God might have 'breathed teaching' into me those 4 days (cos i wasn't praying for that in the first place!), but I know God was with me in the disciplining part..cos I WITNESSED the results (you probably won't understand unless you were in my position). I prayed for help in that, and I got it.

And you know what? I dare say if the need be, God REALLY CAN 'breathe' something into you out of the blue, IF it's according to His will. Oh well, up to you to believe that or not. "..blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." John 20:29

Should you need any other clarifications, you - anonymous one - could give maybe give me your email and we'll discuss it further. If I do not hear a reply from you after this post, I'll take it as you've accepted what I've clarified. Also, I hope that you would kindly refrain from giving such sweeping statments about a stranger's blog cos it'll also reflect you and your mind-set. I'll take this as a slight misunderstanding on your part, unless I really hadn't specified earlier. However, pls, do continue to patronise my blog in future. I welcome constructive and encouraging comments, should i need to improve my blogging.

Thanks for reading. =)

This is the other comment.

2005-09-29T12:28:00.000+08:00

(for the Law 4 and tear jerking shows one..)

Possibly the same commenter:

Anonymous said...
its STAIRWAYS TO HEAVEN la...for god's sake...you think what??? Singapore soap opera ah? staircase?!?!? But yes..the male lead is dashing, though apparently...he has a short tongue..hmm, i wonder if he can pray to be normal. Or should I say,god is fair la huh, such hot looks and a defect.

--------------------------------------------
HAHa yeah it's 'stairways'. Hah! this shows that I (thankfully) am not that well aquainted with such dramas anymore.. or maybe cos i kept making fun of it that i typed in 'staircase' heh. typo..typo..

No offence but you sound like the previous commenter under 'what a life!' post.. hmm.. did you have a bad day or something?

hmm.. you noticed that the male lead has got a short tongue.. wow I didn't even notice that! this possibly shows that you might have paid quite a bit of attention to the show huh? or paying more attention to the MALE lead? hmm... are you a GIRL? haha... just playing around.. no worries..

'pray to be normal'. hmm.. you really are quite hung up on this huh? I've no right to conclude anything about you from this, but i suggest you could try being TACTFUL about what you say to other people in future, especially when it touches the issue of someone's faith. Maybe you're young (physically or spiritually) and do not understand. Maybe you just have not read/heard enough to make sound judgement about certain things. Maybe you simply had quite a bad day. i dunno.. just maybe.

Anyway, I know you may not believe in it, but.. you know.. have some respect for others yah? Likewise, pls do leave a comment should you feel aggravated by ANYTHING, I would really like to clear things up. Thanks.

the Discovery Health. Good program!

2005-09-28T22:45:00.000+08:00

I was just surfing the channels of my new digital SCV box using the guide to see the schedule for the various channels for today and i ended up with ch 70 - Discovery Health.

The title "A story of a baby: from maternity to baby" somehow just caught my attention. The show just started so i got to know the whole story. It was about a couple - Joe and Darlene - who already had plans to have children even before they were married. However, doctors told them that their chances were really slim.. told the man that 'he had higher chances of winning the lottery that getting his wife pregnant' cos of his low sperm count. That was really demoralizing for them. However, the best thing was, their faith held them up. They were Christians in the International Church in New Jersey and they prayed fervently about their situation. By the grace of God, Darlene was pregnant with Jacob. Darlene didn't know that it was that easy - a simple prayer. Apparently they have just proven the doctors wrong. They kept praising God and calling it truely a blessing that they've got Jacob. The thing was, they didn't want to know the sex of the baby (of Jacob) and just wanted it to be a surprise cos they said, 'If not, it would be like wrapping up a present in transparent paper. It'll just spoilt the fun!' So they just tried to find both girl and boy names, but they couldn't find a girl name at all. They didn't realise that it was a sign. Until Darlene was expecting their second..

YES! Twice in a row! (actually before this, Darlene had a miscarriage but their faith held them strong again, empowering Darlene to say that 'It's entirely up to God. He is the One who decides whether we'll have kids or not. If He doesn't want us to have a baby now, He'll give them a baby later. And now, once again,) they've proven science wrong! and Darlene didn't expect it to be so fast. They were praying hard for a girl to complete their perfect picture - daddy's girl and mama's boy.. They still didn't know the sex of the child and started searching for both names again. This time, they really couldn't think of a boy's name.. Darlene loved 'Isabella' and Joe loved 'Gabriella'. Then Joe thought.."This could be another sign.." True enough! Gabriella was born that blessed day and Joe had tears of blissfulness in his eyes the moment he held her in his hands.. aiyoh... i see also started to tear.. so nice!!

This show alone just reminded me of how REAL God is. If you guys have been reading my blog and have not sensed God's presence in my life, I pray that the Holy Spirit may one day touch your heart in a different way. Just tonight, after my polo training, i had to rush down all the way back to NUS central library just to (hopefully) borrow one book needed for tmr's tutorial. This book was in high demand this afternoon cos it's a compulsory reading and our anal lecturer has been nagging at us to read it. To cut the long story short, the chances of me getting the book was slim cos someone might have borrowed it for the night (like what i planned to do) so i prayed really hard in my van on the way there. at 8 mins before library closed, I checked the online system and the book was availablE!! dashed to the counter, the lady showed compassion for me (saw me panting with the RBR slip in my hand - haven't even written the book's title!) and said that actually the lib closed 45min ago but she'll help me this once..

Did you SEE the grace of God opening the doors for me?? He has done this for me countless times before.. in my times of need. wha. after i had this episode, then i watched the Discovery Health show.. i just KNEW for sure (a re-confirmation) that God is real man. It can't be a coincidence. NOTHING is coincidental in this world. There are no accidents. YOU, in this world, for example, are not an accident. Got that from the 'Purpose-Driven Life' book that i did with my Care Group before.

anyway, ... sigh. I just wanna praise... and thank God.

Evidence of Grace.

2005-09-25T19:53:00.000+08:00

Last night was my church choir's annual september-ish performance - Evidence of Grace. It was fun.. the testimonies were really inspiring and the people there enjoyed themselves. It's a real loss for those who knew about it but didn't/couldn't make it - that's some feedback i've heard.. Although some of the soloists sang either out of tempo (rhythm of the song) and maybe even out of tune, it was forgivable cos.. c'mon, we're not professional singers, and frankly speaking, our only audience is the Lord.. so i bet if we sang with a good heart, we were awesome!

For my solo parts (yea.. i can kinda sing..sang two songs - one of which is an ad lib) i was obviously really nervous about it. I've got some expectations from some viewers out there who have heard my singing before.. so i prayed.. For the first song, i still kinda tried to make it sound nice and accepting...( try to be 'superstar' lah ah!).. so i focussed on my own strength. People said it was good, but i thought i was a either a bit too loud or too soft at some parts, and i thought got some parts i didn't hit the note. hmm, maybe i was just too hard on myself, maybe i DID hit the notes, just not hitting it nicely or smth i dunno lah.. so after that song, i got so disappointed with myself and told myself that for the next song, i would really give it ALL to God.. as in, focussing on Him when i sing.. and voila! Firstly i FELT much better (i.e. peace during and after the song), secondly i hit every note i wanted! and it was a natural! i felt so relaxed and confident about it, it was as if the song was MINE now, but the funny thing is.. i felt like a puppet, and the Puppeteer (is that how you spell it?) was Him. Every pitch and every movement felt like it was done by someone else (even though i might have imagine what i wanted to do during practice).. it was really amazing.. I had better reviews for that part. People came to me saying stuff like, ' wha, you soul singer!' and other nice stuff that i would otherwise may be judged boasting if i said it. but anyway, Praise God! that was MY evidence of His grace.. =)

ok then after that .. FOOD.. =) aiyah just finger food.. sandwiches, carrot cake, curry puff and spring roll.. (geez i actually remembered them..) and i mingled with my friends and those that i invited to come - David from JCC swim days. How nice of him to come all the way down! Then Josh and Daryl too - the two poor NS guys ..told them to pig out all they want lah. Then of course there's Kenley! (haha he no choice lah anyway..) and we took some nice pics together with my bro's pro camera.. bored lah..

heh.. yup that's about what i wanna say.. another time!

what a life!

2005-09-24T12:31:00.000+08:00

wow i just ended a 4-day's worth of relief teaching at new town sec. was relieving for music so i would be seeing every class of the school (except the sec 4 express.. they've got better things to do other than music!). So that includes the normal academic and normal technical classes! first two days were HORRENDOUS. my goodness. i think it's cos they see me so nice, soft-sounding (was saving my voice, and also cos i didn't believe in the shouting method) and *ahem* pretty so they take advantage.. sigh.. somemore i was sick.. horrible devils ahh... so i asked a friend of mine - Aaron from church, who is apparently teaching now also - for advice and he said use the scary staring method.. - that's what i did!! - but i guess my staring was full of intention, it was rather 'ok-i'm-staring-i-know-you're-there' kind of thing --> not scary at all! so day 3 i tried a fully-intentionlised stare (and i think i might have looked quite scary! can ask kenley .. he's experienced.. haha!) so in the end, to make long story short, i had FULL control of every class after that! of course besides the stare i was armed with other techniques lah.. hmm.. maybe cos i prayed about this every morning - and it worked! i went into a notorious class and the Lord miraculously - and literally - shut the mouths of those LIONS for me during my lesson! i could even TEACH something.. heh. but really.. i could feel the POWER of God then.. wha..

anyway at the same time i had to study for my test on fri somemore! aiyoh.. tried to read my text while blowing my nose every 1.23mins.. argh.. even until today! went to the redhill market with my mum had to buy the 3-packet-for-$1 tissue from a handicapped guy in the middle of the street - i could blow 8 mucous-full of tissue in one go!! ewww.. hahaha...

anyway, oh last night i watched Night Watch with Kenley. AIYOH. Kenley - being a huge fan of The Matrix - said that this was the russian version, so, ok, being such a 'supportive' gf i am, i agreed to watch it with him.. anyway i needed a break of some sort and we hadn't seen each other for about a week so what the heck. End up.. it was a HORROR show - something that i 'vowed' never to watch anymore - and it was hardly any close to the Keanu Reeves thing. haha.. the first thing Kenley said was, 'Wha lau.. Russians aren't cool at all man'. heh. and i hated it cos it was already so late and the last thing i needed was a scary show that doesn't help me to sleep easily.. it was so scary!! i was sitting next to an empty seat somemore.. felt so vulnerable... even no matter how much Kenley offered his arm for my grabbing - plus pinching and biting too! - it didn't really help cos i insisted to watch every scene too haha..

aiyah.. now i still stress.. later got coaching, then got my choir performance.. thinking about it makes me tired.. think i'm gonna take a rest now..

p.s.: come for my performance! Evidence of Grace, Sat, 24th Sept '05, 7.30pm @ Mt. Carmel BP Church at clementi there.. next to Ginza Plaza. It'll be good! dun forget to bring flower for me too.. =P kidding..

sick. again?!

2005-09-18T21:03:00.000+08:00

It was darling Sulynn's birthday last night and it was quite fun..love her house! had a real futuristic look with wood and pebbles all round to greet us at the entrance, then the inside had pure pearl white marble floor complementing the white and brown walls, giving a little Bali-nese cum Japanese look. i couldn't stop saying 'wha! so nice! i like!' and Aunty Shem was smiling until couldn't see her eyes intermittently replying a shy 'thank you' every time i commented on the house. people there were the polo girls and NUS ppl..quite a small but i guess it was pretty meaningful to sulynn.

sigh. i like birthdays.. every now and then kenley was saying, 'aye what you gonna do for ur birthday?' then i was like, 'aiyoh..i dunno leh.' i feel so sian even thinking about it. it's like i've grown tired from thinking about it already. all the fun, excitement and energy in the laughing and talking that i foresee in my birthday just makes me tired to think about it anymore. 21.. it's just another birthday.. then again, it's my TWENTY FIRST! haiyoh.. i dunno lah.. how i wish kenley could help me out. reason why i can say that here is cos he hardly reads blogs lah.. heh. but anyway, he'll be busy studying.. argh.. nvm.. guess i'll just look forward to Christmas then.

anyway, back to my title, yup, i'm sick..AGAIN. it's like the 3rd time in a row after about 3-4 weeks of 'recovery'. and now's worse, i've got IFG coming up this week and my choir performance (this sat, 24th, 7.30 at Mt Carmel BP Church..next to Ginza Plaza! come come!). it's really true.. whenever we're involved in a God-sized project like the choir or musical, the devil will attack harder and as a result - i get sick.. So the devil thinks i won't be singing as well for my solo part..or swimming my best for my 4 events for IFG .. nope! i've defeated that and will again cos if 'God is for us, who can be against us?' =) that's where i take comfort in.. so can you!

it's mooncake festival tonight and i'm at aunty Lily Wee's place for dinner together with the whole gin gang of cousins.. watched liverpool sweat it out with man U and ending up with a fruitless score. heh. the mystery of the bond between guys and football. yah i'm not that much of a fan for it.. Kenley is quite a bit.. buying Newpaper everyday to read only one section..but not that hard core like got match die-die must watch kind so i'm glad .. heh. he's lost quite a bit for waterpolo too cos now he's into a new love - (have i said before?) FENCING. heh. yup. pretty new and unexpected interest but it seems like it's kinda doing him good..he's slowly loosing weight! heh. but it's bad for me cos.. you see, the starters train starting using their FINGERS to spar, so every now and then Kenley keeps poking me at the side.. then i turn and i see him in the stance ready to attack kind.. then i say, 'ooi.. what you doing?'..then, as if nothing happened he replies, ' huh? nothing lah.. just practicing..' then he gives me a wink.. haha..

Law 4. Tear-jerking shows. Tired.

2005-09-13T23:21:00.000+08:00

I went for NUS Law 4 musical, 'Roses and Hello' and it was pretty good! Heard it was by far the best production in the past few years lah.. (or maybe just better than last year's? dunno.. din go for that.) it was funny.. amazingly tear-jerking for one part and quite a twist at the end.. not bad! congrats Dawn! =)

Anyway, recently auntie lily tham lend my family the Korean drama 'Staircase to Heaven'. I thought i would never indulge myself in such waste-time-waste-tears activities, somemore the main guy in the show wasn't that good-looking.. cheh! heh. but apparently my bro's gf LOVES that guy.. and says that he kinda looks like my bro somemore.. (aiyoh.. see what one 1.3 carat diamond can do to a girl..) haha.. so ok lah.. sunday we just watched the first episode.. We were already WARNED by auntie lily that every episode in this whole series can make u cry one.. i didn't believe it.. LOW AND BEHOLD. The girl gets knocked down, loses her memory, forgetting her long-lost-loved guy (that not-that-handsome guy) and that guy keeps crying. heh. 2/3 of the female population started tearing in the room. gosh. AND, the worst thing is.. I got HOOKED! so ok. the more i watched, the guy's good looks grew on me lah.. so i watched the first 4 episodes .. got so ANGRY! the jealous step-sis of the girl kept taking all that the girl was supposed to have - the guy, her priveledges etc.. then watched next 3 episodes.. SO SAD! see the poor guy trying to help the girl regain her memory after the crash but kept getting rejected.. aiyoh.......

I got so fed up i skipped to the last disc. The guy and the girl got married but she died. Moral of the story: Dun watch shows with guys with ambiguous looks.

Aiyah.. k lah enough rubbish. anyway, seems like past few days i've been so tired.. soo .. soooo.. t..ire.....dd...... also dunno why.. nutrition? too many activities? coaching? time of the month? lazy? stupid korean show? sigh. i'm trying to buck up now.. oh yeah.. got a few birthdays coming up - Dawn's and Su lynn's.. Haiyoh another stress - presents. firstly no money, secondly no time. any time i have i've gotta study for my next class. it's only half way through the term and i'm behind already.. argh.. seems like i'm always behind.. sucks. now WHAT would they want for their birthdays? one seems to be practical and not waste money on extra stuff, the other seems to be contented with whatever she has.. aiyoh.. both also not the jewellery-kind.. i also not sure on their sizes to buy clothes.. sigh. this is actually called unecessary stress.. but also called happy stress... you know, birthdays are happy occassions..

i always wanna make such a day special for that person.. cos i know what it feels like if someone did likewise for me.. sigh.. i wrote a bit of this in my previous blog already.. about surprises.. i missed my primary school birthdays..where my mum would specially organize a party where there were invitation cards sent out.. sometimes at McDonalds.. then everyone would dress up and the table would be crowded with different sorts of food.. and presents! heh.. but aiyah..now i'm not that a sucker for presents... you wanna know what i really want? .. actually..i would really like it if people do remember my birthday.. that's a bonus.. i.. i just want people to remember me. =) heh. i've always been praying for friends.. and yes, God has really blessed me with them.. some to just come and go, from which i learn precious lessons on relationships, some come and stayed, from which i treasured every moment. My hope in life is that I could make a difference in someone's life.. (i know sounds really cliche... like korean dramas..yikes!) but as common as it sounds, i think it's element of truth and validity still stays true for me.. that's why i'm thinking of missions. i want to let people know about the Greatest News they could ever know - that Jesus Christ is here for us. simple as that. and it's true. I truely hope that in this way, people's sad lives could be changed, having a new - and real - hope in their lives.

That being said, i hope you guys still read my blog. see, that's what i fear too, that when i start going preach-y and all, the gospel might have the propensity to become a taboo subject.. and i may not have the chance to tell of this great news again.. sigh. but anyway, the Bible says that we are just here to inform others - we're the mouth-piece - and it's the Holy Spirit's job to change the hearts of those non-believers.. yups.. phew! so no stress on that one! =) heh..

anyways, ok lah.. i think i better go sleep.. 've been typing for about an hour plus now.. need to catch the rest!

Dead, Gone forever.

2005-09-09T12:23:00.000+08:00

this was beside my car at the traffic light outside NUS. heh sorry so gross.

Sports Ball was fun!!

2005-09-07T22:20:00.000+08:00

Last night was NUS Sports Ball at the Fullerton Hotel and I invited Kenley to come along with me (haha he's got no choice lah!). We sat with the lifesaving people (who are a bunch of nice ppl! pic on below..) and we were actually quite close to the stage! Food was great (if only the waiteress wasn't so efficient as to remove my unfinished chicken, which apparently was the BEST dish!), pageant .. ehh.. (thought Mei Shuang would win! (she's in the pic of girls, extreme right in gold..) love those spanish dresses!) then photo-taking (haha poor kenley had to wait for me.. he was still hungry!) then shortly after, had to go get the complimentary parking ticket.

OH. speaking of which, my friend initially told me that there were complimentary parking tickets available for Fullerton, so i parked my van in there. So i went to the girl in charge of the tickets, she told me there were actually LIMITED tickets available and they were ALL given out by the time i was asking for them. so i was like, 'but you guys didn't say it was limited! i parked my van in [this hotel] with the trust that you guys would provide the complimentary tickets for the participants and now you tell me i've got to pay it (which was DAMN ex!) by myself?' Then she was like, with both her hands in front of her as if pushing me away and with a 'sympathetic' smile, saying, 'i dunno. heh. IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM NOW.' wha. THAT last few words pissed me off. i'm..so.... ASHAMED of NUS ppl with her saying stuff like that. where is the degree of responsiblity in that?! she was practically shoving me away out of her problems so that she could just take some more pictures with her 'more happening' friends and just wanna quickly forget about the nothing-me. wow. talk about foreign talent. so i was thinking, 'Fine. i'll go ask my other friends to help me, since they're also in the committee and therefore probably have a better authority to ask for the ticket from the staff of Fullerton Hotel than me.' so i asked Olivia and Zareen, who were also in the midst of taking photos, (Olivia's in the middle, Zareen's on her right) and once they heard my plight, Olivia was like, 'OH! OK OK let's go ask the staff now!!' and they LEFT they grp of friends IMMEDIATELY straight to the reception to ask for an exceptional one more ticket for the nothing-me. I prayed along the way as we walked up the many many steps of the luxurious hotel to the main lobby's reception counter, with our (all 3 of us! haha) 4-inch heels killing us at the same time.. heh.. when we got there, with the 'power of 3', i got the ticket! Thank God! and of course, thanks to Olivia and Zareen who BOTHERED to go out of the way just to help a nothing-me! now THAT'S called responsibility. KUDOS to them! (haha.. ironically, they're also the 'NUS ppl' whom i was ashamed of earlier..but i'm glad there're the better parts of it!

anyway, ok enough of the complaining.. i wanna talk about today. nothing much lah. had waterpolo knock outs this morning at changi naval base - emerged ultimate losers (haha.. aiyah expected lah..) then coaching in the aftn - which was fruitful! then dinner with kenley. Sigh. you know, i love quite a number of things. I like dressing up (like for balls or formal dinners or parties), i like flowers (never had tulips, but roses are fine!), i like puppies (husky!) and i like surprises. Especially the last one - surprises. i think especially for occassions like birthdays, i believe they bring lots of joy to the person recieveing it. recently i've got a lot of friends whose birthdays have NOT yet arrived, but they were to leave overseas and wouldn't be around to celebrate the real day, and organizing a surprise party just with a small group of close friends really brought a smile to their face! and to mine too of course! i love taking the trouble to sms all those ppl and the adrenaline just comes automatically when i put 'it's a surprise for her!' .. wha.. i just love it.. thing is, i've never had any surprises for me. haha. maybe i can try to surprise MYSELF! haha.. ok. that's spastic.

anyway, my 21st is coming. sigh, i dun think kenley's the sort who could surprise me lah. he's got exams that week anyway!! gosh.. i rather he NOT doing all that and focus on his exams.. sigh. but nevermind. he just dun disappear on that day can already. and also for Christmas. the latter is my FAVORITE day (actually christmas eve), i prefer it to my birthday even! yup. apparently, (and according to my mum) it's pretty easy to satisfy me. the saying, 'it's the small things that matter' is so true for me. hmm... of course i like those small things too.. cos 'Good things come in small packages'!! haha..

so clean. so empty.

2005-09-05T21:43:00.000+08:00

I was just cleaning my bedroom table and eventually decided to clear away all the dried roses (that Kenley gave me) I've collected over the past year. I'm a neat freak so when i clear, i sweep, then i wipe clean with a damp cloth. Then soon i was wiping my whole desk, and the THINGS on my desk, and finally rearranging them to give myself more study space. (I've tested myself and realise I'm a 'Monica' in FRIENDS). Once i was done, i looked at my now-so-cleared-and spacious desk where my laptop is on.. and felt something missing - the roses. it used to be an eye-sore when there was a whole bunch of them in this huge vase at the corner of my desk - now it's gone. It feels as if I broke up or something.. like something's amiss.. (haha.. sorry yeah i quite drama-rama kind..) anyway, i'm glad i'm just not breathing in anymore of the fungi and dust that was growing and collecting on the dried rose petals. but still.. the sight of them just reminded me of my dearie... (eww.. ok before i get anymore mushier.. )

anyway, my malay is improving! even though still crawling.. now i can say, 'Apa khabar?' which means, 'how are you?', or 'oh maaf, saya mesti ke tandas sekarang!' which means, 'oh excuse me, i need to go toilet now..' and many more lah.. eh, ok not that many lah. But my lecture's really funny... maybe it's just the culture in malay.. i dunno. like, for us, we use malay when we wanna be casual or make a joke.. or something.. now that i learn malay in its formal terms, it's just different, but it's easy to learn. at least now i can understand a decent sentence...in a primary 1 textbook. My classmate - Jakob (pronounced ya-cob) is from Germany here for exchange, and apparently he's learning basic chinese too. he seems like a really hardworking guy majoring in physics. you may think i'm stalking him, well, i also found out how many siblings he has, and what they're studying.. and where! haha.. no lah.. it was during malay lab lah.. the teacher asks, 'Jakob! Awak berapa adik-beradik?' (how many siblings do you have?') 'Saya ada dua orang abang.' (i've two older brothers) 'Abang Jakob belajar di universiti?' (do they study in the uni?) 'Ya' (ya.) 'seorang belajar sains, seorang belarjar (oops i forgot the word for) medicine' (one is studying in science and the other medicine). yups. so heh liddat, all of us knew each other our teacher went around asking everyone's background. (sneaky sneaky teacher ehhh)

anyway, i'm supposed to be going over to Chermaine's place to take a look at the husky puppy that i'm (hoping that i'm) gonna have! oh well, she hasn't called me yet.. not sure when they're bringing the dogs over to her place.. hope we can get that little pup! i'll treat it well.. will keep it indoors (oh today i turned on the air-con and Dino joined me at the dining table while i watched Calendar Girls! haha.. he shiok only ah.. see in the pic he was sniffing around too.. ) and liscence it and everything.. my family's looking forward to this new pup too... can't wait! will show pics of the little pup as soon as i see it!

Great timing.

2005-09-04T00:09:00.000+08:00

I just had a talk with Kenley tonight. not any other talk, but a special one. it was when we voiced out each other's views and disagreements about our relationship and trying to fix problems. we had problems right from the start - stubbornly ignoring them is of no use. i knew that if i wanted this relationship to work, i had to let him know honestly what i'm thinking and i too, wanna know what he's thinking. the conversation was fruitful..it was a bit scary when we spoke of our differences but then i prayed cos i really needed guidance for this cruitial part.. then something just told me to hold on, to not give up on this relationship cos there's hope if we still want it to work. I wanted to hold on, he also wanted to hold on.. there! Praise God it was a enlightening experience. then i realised what was impt in a relationship, (or actually everything else for that matter), is that i've been trying to solve things MY way - with my earthly, limited ideas and perceptions. you know what, it won't work that way. or even if it does, it'll be disastrous. Then i listened to that soft, gentle and persistent prompting in my head that told me to bring it to God. and when i did, you know, things just became better. my mood was lightened, the situation was clearer, i had a heart of compassion and the problem was solved in love.

This was what i concluded: God makes a difference - IF you let Him to. all along i was so selfish and stupid to try to solve such problems all by myself, when my very solution was right with me all along. all i had to do was to have FAITH. Faith that Jesus Christ is Lord, and therefore, give all my troubles unto him. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight." Prov 3:5. So true. So, so true. you can just try it, and you'll SEE it.. you'll FEEL it.. then, you'll KNOW it. 'Lean not on your own understanding' - that means in cases when you see it's not logically possible (according to our human calculations), we should entrust everything in FAITH, '...and he will make ur paths straight' - aka, EVERYTHING will be alright. It's also true that the Lord only gives us what's the BEST - not second best - and so that's the hope that we have, and what we take comfort in. =)

Really juz talking..n thinking..

2005-09-03T13:04:00.000+08:00

Have you ever had the feeling of thinking you should have something because of how long you've been wanting it, but yet know that judging from ur current circumstances you know it's kinda wrong?

For example, you used to like this dog soOO much last time, but your dad didn't allow you to get it. so you grew to 'not-like' it so as not to feel so sore about it. then a few years later, your dad agrees to have a dog now, provided you take care of it yourself. you got so happy so you bought the dog. however, you've already grown to 'not-like' dogs (in general), and knowing your super busy schedule, your lack of financial resources and other commitments, you know you can't keep this dog - you can't keep it WELL. but maybe because you want to fulfil ur last-time desire of having a dog a long time ago, you try to grow to like it and take care of it. but the cons of having it just bogs you down.. and you just don't feel it's right - for both the poor dog and you. your dog's not getting enough nutrition, not enough attention, when it's sick you've simply got no time to bring it to the vet. what's more, your dog has become more aggresive against you and is doesn't come to you when you call it... you've come to the point that you feel that you REALLY don't want the dog anymore.. you've seen ur current circumstances and you find that forcing yourself to like that dog no matter how much is not gonna work. i mean, of course, sometimes that dog is so damn cute to bits and makes you happy so much.. but there're other times you feel bad because you're not giving back its full worth. what do you do? poor doggie!!

ok this is obviously a fictionous story - where got dog become unattracted to owner one.. and before any of you make ridiculous conclusions that this is a real story for me and my dog - it's NOT. haha.. dun worry, my little Dino's getting all the attention he wants.. and food! and treatment blah blah.. sigh.. nah i was juz thinking about such a circumstance.. what if?

haha.. maybe i'm too bored and have been thinking way too much.. sometimes it's bad for my health. maybe i've been watching too many soap operas.. ewww.. haha..

Yesterday i met up with Ms Quek and she was telling me about all the changes in STC - both in the school and the system plus the student's culture..the way she told me was really hilarious! haha.. she just sounded so funny lah.. you know her (erm, for those of you who knew her..) then after that i met up with my ex-swimmers from JCC and we just talked crap man.. people there were sarah, simon, amanda, shufen, keith and su ann. heard after i left, henry joined them and they walked a lot.. gosh i was already so tired in the beggining of the day already if i had joined them i would have been dead heh. but it was all fun.

Then at night, my bro and his fiance together with Kenley and I went to Carl's Jr to eat super HUGE burgers with diameter of 10cm for dinner! this outlet is at Marina Square.. wha say.. it's damn big, plus the fries are damn lot.. and the drinks are free flow! haha.. it's an American outlet that's why the portions are so big. wha i ate until i almost felt like vomitting. but the food's good! should go try it!

haiyoh.. now i'm waiting for Kenley to call me.. we're supposed to go out today for a nice 'couple's-day-out' lunch and a movie.. (we've not had this arrangement for so long!!) and now he's still at his school's fencing practice or meeting i dunno. he said i should join fencing too, cos i've got fast reflexes, which is an advantage. i dun think i can already lah.. 've got so many commitments.. if i drop something then maybe lah. .but yeah i have the interest. anyway.. argh.. he said he'll end by 11 plus now it's 1! sigh. always have to wait for him. i guess i just have to look for something else to do lah..besides blogging.

super bored n tired

2005-09-02T11:44:00.000+08:00

woke up early by the sound of my phone alarm. snoozed it as usual, slept for another half an hour. woke again at 9 by body alarm, figured better start packing for my super packed day -> first MasterLife session at church, then meeting my ex-teacher at STC, then another lunch appointment with my JCC swimmers in town, then meeting Mad to collect her dress (that i'm gonna borrow for my sports ball), then coaching at 5.30pm, then dinner with Kenley. BAH!!

anyway, so i packed my Masterlife stuff, made my way to church, to make long story short, there wasn't any MasterLife session in the first place - communication breakdown. bleah. so went to get cheap Mac's at school and went home. now i'm pretty tired to start my day with.. argh.. that's bored me looking at my laptop at home. argh.. i'm so tired i wanna sleep! now it looks like it's gonna rain.. shiok time to sleep. argh. now i gotta leave soon to meet Ms Quek (yay!! ok i'm getting a bit more energetic now.. missed her so much!).. but first gotta go pump diesel.. bleah but i'm so lazyyyyyyyyy.... sigh. even typing now is so tiring...